Do you have strong boundaries set in your life or do you need to be setting boundaries to improve the quality of your life?
You might not have given much thought to the boundaries in your life. You might not think they matter or are all that important, but they definitely are.
A lack of boundaries can have a negative impact on your life and wellbeing.
In this post, I thought we would have a look at some sure-fire signs that you need to be setting boundaries or setting better boundaries in your life.
Let’s dive in.
Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Any compensation I receive does not affect the price you pay.
1. You are always lending people money
If you are regularly lending money to people (particularly while struggling to pay the bills yourself) you need to work at setting boundaries around money. Even more so if you are lending money to people that down deep you don’t really like!
It’s also a problem if you feel you are being pressured or expected to lend people money.
Besides setting boundaries around loaning money, you might also have a few money blocks that you need to deal with. Sorting through your money blocks can definitely help you start setting better boundaries around money.
Denise Duffield-Thomas is the money blocks expert so check out her website to find out what your money blocks are and how you can start working through them. If you think you don’t have any money blocks, you might be in for a big surprise!
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2. People drop around without notice
I know this is completely normal for some people and families but I also know that it is not normal for others.
Even if your whole family does it but it upsets you, then it’s an issue that needs to be dealt with. It’s an issue that can be helped by setting boundaries.
When I used to watch the show ‘Everyone Loves Raymond’ I would cringe every time the parents just wandered into Ray and Debra’s house like they owned the place. I hated it when Ray and Debra did the same. Come to think of it, that whole lack of boundaries and lack of respect stopped me watching the show. I found it more annoying than funny!
This behavior isn’t exclusive just to families either. Flatmates that don’t respect your privacy or personal space are definitely a reason for setting stronger boundaries.
If you work from home and people are constantly interrupting you or popping by for unimportant things unrelated
to your work, it means they are not respecting what you do for a living. When your livelihood is at stake, this sort of behavior needs to be addressed urgently.
Related content –
- 5 Ways to Stop Taking Things Personally
- 10 Reasons You Are Saying Yes When You Want to Say No
- How to Change Your Life for the Better
- 7 Signs You Are Taking on Other People’s Problems
3. People ring or text at all hours of the night
If my best friend is in trouble and needs someone to talk to she can ring me at 2 am in the morning.
Drunk people calling me in the middle of the night. Not so much.
Just because we have mobiles and let’s face it often addictions to those mobiles does not mean that we should call or text people anytime we want.
It’s not just calls or text in the middle of the night, calling someone during work hours is another area where having boundaries is important. You are paid to work after all, so it’s not a good idea to be on personal phone calls or texting your friends all day.
4. People think you are their personal chauffeur
This one is interesting for me personally because I don’t drive. I don’t have a license or a car.
I get lifts from my family and friends. If they are traveling to the same place I am, I’ll often get a lift. I appreciate this a great deal. I always try to make sure I thank people for driving me somewhere or giving me a lift.
I also catch a LOT of public transport, as well as catching cabs.
With that in mind, one thing I have noticed with some families is how they constantly rely on family for lifts. They never use public transport and will call someone while they are in the middle of something important and ask to be driven to the shop.
The shop. Seriously!
This is what public transport, taxis, and Ubers are for. Hell, it’s what our legs are for!
If you are constantly the chauffeur with little or no notice, then you need to start setting better boundaries so that people don’t take you for granted.
Obviously, this one doesn’t apply to driving your kids to school or sports. I’m not a Mum, so you might need a different website altogether for advice on chauffering your kids around!
5. People expect you to drop everything for them
This is a sign that people do not respect your time.
Clearly, if someone is in trouble and needs to be rushed to the doctor or to the hospital you drop everything and do it but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
One of the problems with this situation is that when people have constantly dropped everything for someone in the past, they feel like they need to keep doing more of the same.
Things change (WE are allowed to change) and it’s never too late to start setting boundaries for yourself.
6. People think their stuff is more important than your stuff
By ‘stuff’ I mean your possessions, goals, problems, money, time – you name it.
If people constantly borrow things and don’t give them back, belittle your hopes and dreams or only ever talk about their own problems and never ask how you are going, then you need to be setting boundaries to ensure these things aren’t a constant in your life.
What you want matters too!
7. People can easily pressure or manipulate you into doing what they want
If people can easily pressure you into doing what they want you to do (and you really don’t want to do it) then you have some serious boundary issues going on.
While I fully understand the concept of ‘picking your battles’, if you are losing every battle, every time then your boundaries need some work.
If people are pressuring or manipulating you, you will feel resentful (even if this process takes a while). Resentment and indifference destroy relationships. Better to set some boundaries before that resentment builds to a level where the relationship can’t be repaired.
Related content – Stop Being a People Pleaser – 6 Books That Can Help
8. Your family is in chaos
From what I have observed families that are in chaos have little to no boundaries in place.
Basically, they do all of the above – borrow money, take each other for granted, don’t respect each other’s time, life or goals.
Families without boundaries tend to enable each other’s bad behavior.
Respecting boundaries is a way we can demonstrate respect for one another.
Related post – How to Stop Creating Drama in Your Life
9. Your life is full of drama and conflict
Of course, our boundaries aren’t just about other people and how they treat us.
It’s about our own personal boundaries and how we treat ourselves.
One of the driving forces in our lives is being congruent. When we are acting like the person we want to be, we feel congruent. We feel joy and contentment.
When we are not being congruent, when we are not living up to who we know we are we feel like something is ‘off’ or ‘out of sorts’. Not being congruent can make us miserable.
Not respecting your own personal boundary is like breaking a promise to yourself.
You can read more about congruence in Brendon Burchard’s excellent book – The Charge: Activating the 10 Human Drives That Make You Feel Alive.
Related content – How to be Congruent and Why It’s So Important
10. You keep making the same mistake over and over again
If you are constantly making the same mistakes over and over again, particularly when it comes to your love life it’s time to have a close look at your personal boundaries and your self-esteem.
Often when we don’t have high self-esteem, we self-sabotage. When we don’t know our worth, we let people disrespect us.
Unfortunately, I know all about this one, as I struggled with low self-esteem for years and made a lot of bad choices when it came to the relationships in my life.
I definitely learned the hard way.
Work on your self-esteem and your personal boundaries, so you can stop making the same mistakes.
If you need help with your self-esteem, by all means, seek out counseling from a trained medical professional. I’ve done this myself when I needed help. Always remember, there is no shame in reaching out for help. In fact, it’s an act of courage and bravery.
An excellent book for giving your self-esteem a boost is Jen Sincero’s – You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.
If self-doubt is holding you back, make sure you check out the brilliant CreativeLive online course, How to Break the Habit of Self-Doubt and Build Real Confidence. I took this course myself and got a lot out of it. You can read my review of the course here.
Related content –
- Do You Learn From Your Mistakes?
- How to Stop Repeating the Same Mistakes?
- 10 Behaviors That Stop You Growing as a Person
How to start setting boundaries in your life
First up you need to work out what boundaries you want to set.
If any of the above signs really jumped out at you, that’s a good place to start!
I need to be honest here. If you are coming from a place where your life or family has little to no boundaries, setting boundaries from scratch is not going to be easy.
But just because something is difficult doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try. Quite the opposite, it means you should try harder than ever. It means that it’s worth it and that when it works it will have a positive impact on your life.
The key way to start setting boundaries is to learn to say the word NO.
Say no, politely and without explaining yourself. Say NO a LOT more often.
Say NO without feeling guilty.
Say NO to protect your personal boundaries. Say NO to protect and nurture your mental health.
If you feel you don’t have the right to be setting boundaries, you need to work on your self-esteem.
Boundaries are an important part of life. Set boundaries for better relationships and more contentment and joy in your life.
If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends on social media.
Someone just might need to read this message today, so they can set some strong boundaries in their life!
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