In one of my earlier posts, 20 Ways to Stop Caring What People Think of You, I included two external links on how to stop being a people pleaser.
As I noticed quite a few people were clicking on these links, I thought some more detailed information on how to stop being a people pleaser would be valuable.
In this case, I thought it would be a good idea to turn to the experts. Thankfully, there are some excellent books on the topic.
Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Any compensation I receive does not affect the price you pay.
Let’s dive into 6 books to help stop being a people pleaser.
1. Not Nice
Not Nice: Stop People-Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty and Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, and Unapologetically Being Yourself is written by Dr. Aziz Gazpiura PsyD.
I first stumbled across this book when I was researching books for my 12 Best Books on Having Better Conversations post.
As you can probably tell by the title this book looks at the problems that stem from being ‘too nice’, how that can negatively affect someone’s life and what to do about it.
2. When it’s Never About You
When It’s Never About You: The People-Pleaser’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Health, Happiness and Personal Freedom is written by Ilene. S Cohen Ph.D.
The beginning of this book is about a topic near and dear to my heart – knowing your worth.
This book leans more to the knowing your worth, being yourself, being self-reliant and letting things go approach. This book focuses on reconnecting with your true self.
3. The Disease to Please
The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome is written by Harriet B. Braiker Ph.D.
This book features the mindset, habits, and feelings of a people-pleaser. There is an in-depth chapter dedicated to each of the above categories.
It then moves onto a 21-day action plan that you can follow.
4. Anxious to Please
Anxious to Please: 7 Revolutionary Practices for the Chronically Nice is written by James Rapson and Craig English.
This one starts off with a chapter on people being nice and then breaks down the 7 practices in detail.
Section three is dedicated to romantic relationships.
I’m a firm believer in setting boundaries.
I’ve watched families with little or no boundaries and they are chaotic and drama-filled. It’s often one crisis or
misunderstanding after another.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life is written by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
Boundaries are a way of letting people know how we want to be treated. Respecting someone’s boundaries is a form of respecting them.
This book first looks at what boundaries are, then it moves onto different sorts of boundary conflicts. There’s a chapter for friends, one for family and one for work for example.
Part three is about how to develop healthy boundaries.
Just so you are aware this book references passages in the Bible, so you can decide for yourself if it’s a book for you.
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6. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k
Okay, I admit this one isn’t specifically about how to stop being a people pleaser but I really wanted to include it because it will get you thinking.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**K is written by Mark Manson.
This book will have you questioning what’s really important to you, questioning what people ask of you and even what you ask of yourself.
There is a chapter on the importance of saying no, so that is right up the people pleaser’s alley.
Warning this book contains quite a bit of swearing (as you have probably worked out from the title) so if you find swearing offensive this is NOT the book for you.
If you are okay with the swearing element then I recommend it as one of the best books I have read in a long time. It’s thought-provoking, it’s a bit controversial and it will get you questioning what you believe.
Stop being a people pleaser
If you are trying to work out which book will work best for you, have a look through each table of contents to see which book best suits your needs.
To view the table of contents, you click the look inside tab at the top of the book image. Just a helpful tip, you need to be in print book version to view the table of contents and not the Kindle book version.
While many of the books will talk about the problems of being ‘too nice’, I feel it’s important to point out that being nice and being kind are different things.
You should always do your best to be kind.
You don’t have to run around trying to please people but you can always be kind.
If you are struggling with being a people pleaser and it is negatively affecting your life, I hope these books can help turn things around for you. You deserve to be a priority in your own life.
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