Do you have something important to say to someone?
Let’s face it, the world is full of talk talk talk and yet somehow there seems so much that we should say that we don’t.
Sometimes we say what we need to but we don’t say it often enough. Other times we say the same thing over and over and it totally loses its meaning.
Let’s see if you have something important to say.
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Many people don’t say it when they should, while others say it at the drop of a hat when they probably shouldn’t. It’s either overused, underused or somewhere in the middle.
Ego gets in the way of a lot of people saying they are sorry.
If you make a mistake man/woman up and apologize. Another massively important part of the sorry equation – be genuine about it. Don’t rattle off some lame I’m sorry that you don’t mean. People can spot these a mile away and it can often make the situation worse.
Here’s a really important thing to remember when it comes to I’m sorry. It doesn’t fix everything. If your partner has just found out you are cheating on them, believe me, I’m sorry will not cut it.
The same goes for couples (and friends and family) when they are fighting. People think they can scream abuse at their partner and it will all be okay because they can say I’m sorry and make up. That’s just not true. Some things can’t be taken back, no matter how many times you apologize; so keep your temper in check.
Here’s a book that can help – When Sorry Isn’t Enough: Making Things Right With Those You Love
I was wrong
I was wrong and I’m sorry often go together.
A lot of people struggle with saying this one. They think saying I was wrong indicates weakness.
Some men in particular (I said some not all) can struggle to get these words out. In their defense, a woman demanding they admit they were wrong probably doesn’t help either since someone demanding we do something often causes our stubborn streak to kick in!
If you were wrong about something – admit it (the sooner the better, don’t let this stuff drag out because it’s not wine, it doesn’t get better with age). More likely, holding off admitting you were wrong will breed resentment.
No big surprise that this one often goes with the two above as well. We get upset, we overact to something and then we feel terrible and apologize. I actually did this over the weekend to a close friend, so definitely learning from my own mistakes with this one!
Whether it’s being tired, overworked, stressed or worried about money, the kids or all of the above sometimes we overreact. We blow things out of proportion. We make something minor much bigger than it really is.
Admit you overreacted. Apologize. Be genuine in your apology. Move on.
Related post – 5 Communication Mistakes That Can Mess with Your Life
I made a mistake
Do you fess up to your mistakes?
Many people don’t. Instead, they try to cover them up or blame someone else. If you have ever worked in an office environment for any length of time, you’ve probably seen this happen.
If you are blaming other people at work for your mistakes you need to stop that crap now. People see it, resent it and will probably talk about it, meaning it could hurt your career and professional reputation.
Own up when you make a mistake. Do what’s necessary to get the problem fixed where possible, get the situation under control or at least minimize the damage.
Related post – Are You Repeating the Same Mistakes?
I appreciate you
A lot of the time we get so caught up in everyday life that we totally forget to tell people how much we
appreciate them. We forget to acknowledge how much they add to our lives.
People like to hear they are appreciated. It’s an important part of any relationship. Of course, there are a lot of different ways you can say this one so be creative. Regardless of what you say, just make sure that people know just how important they are to you.
Another quick tip, whilst I understand people often like to express their appreciation in the form of gifts and the like, that’s lovely but make sure you also say the words.
Related post – The Importance of Show and Tell in Relationships
A good thank you never goes astray either, so if you don’t say it enough, now’s the time to turn that around. Think about this right now, who can you say thank you to today? Who can you thank for their contribution?
Thank you is also about good manners.
Please, thank you, and excuse me haven’t gone out of fashion so when you are rushing around doing your shopping, buying your lunch, or dropping the kids off at school, don’t forget to thank people for their efforts.
I’m proud of you
As mentioned in an earlier post, a lot of people are crying out to hear that the important people in their lives are proud of them.
Please, please, please say this with genuine feeling and affection more often to the people you love and respect. It will mean a lot to them and in the end to you as well.
By the way, this is something you should definitely be telling yourself as well.
Related post – Are You Proud of Yourself?
This one is specifically aimed at work.
You might not use the word quit, more likely it will be something like I resign. Sometimes saying these words is absolutely essential for moving forward in our lives.
Quitting or resigning isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s damn hard. Starting over can be scary particularly if we are facing an uncertain future. We know we need to get out of a toxic work situation but we have financial commitments, bills, and mortgages to pay, resumes to think about (as in how will that look on my resume to my next employer), and other factors to consider.
It’s hard but sometimes we need to summon all of our courage, make sure we have enough money to tide us over, and take a leap of faith.
Related post – What to Do When You Hate Your Job
I miss you
Unfortunately, people tend to get this one all wrong. Because being vulnerable often scares people, instead of simply telling someone they miss them and would like to spend more time with them, they go a different route.
They go the guilt trip.
They take the long and painful way around by making the person feel guilty for not spending enough time with them.
Believe me, you will get a lot further if you just speak up and tell the person you miss them.
The exception to this is if you are talking to someone who has just broken up with you. I’ve been there and done that and it’s not pretty. If someone dumped you and for whatever reason, you communicate with them, regardless of how much you miss them, you might want to keep that to yourself.
You already feel terrible, telling the person you miss them will only make you feel worse. When you are over them, you’ll look back and wish you hadn’t said anything. Talk to your best friend about missing them and leave it at that.
Related post – Stop Using Guilt to Get What You Want
I need your help
Many of us are not good at asking for help. My suggestion – ask for help when you need it.
Many of us struggle in silence when we have people to reach out to for help. A common tactic is to assume that people should know when we need help. A lot of people think they shouldn’t have to ask.
I know that sounds good in theory and we would all like the people closest to us to sense when we are in trouble because of our close connection to them but let’s face it everyone’s got a lot going on! People get busy, life throws all sorts of challenges at all of us and it gets chaotic and messy. People are often so busy sorting out their own stuff that they miss our stuff.
Ask for help when you need it. People can’t read your mind. If you ask, I’m sure they will be there for you.
Related post – How to Support People Without Taking on Their Moods and Emotions
I have feelings for you
Call me old school but I believe in telling someone you like them and not playing games.
And no I’m not talking about doing this by text message or Facebook message or on Tinder. I’m talking about telling someone face to face that you like them and would like to spend more time with them. And no this isn’t about picking up or trying to be sleazy either so can that idea.
Of course, the scary thing is whether they like you back or not, so try to get a feel for this first. If you think they share your feelings then be brave and say something.
Related post – Be the Sort of Person You Want to Attract
I love you
Okay, I admit this one wasn’t probably a big surprise for the finale.
Again this one is either massively overused or sadly underused. If you are not telling your children you love them, it’s time to step up your game and start letting them know on a regular basis.
If you are saying it to someone on your second date, you probably need to back the truck up a bit.
While we are on the topic of love, I haven’t read The 5 Love Languages book myself yet but I’ve heard great things about it, so it’s definitely on my reading list.
I recently watched a video that talked about the 5 languages which are (spoiler alert!) – Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Just by looking at this list, it’s easy to see how people who prioritize their love languages differently might struggle to maintain a happy relationship.
Knowing your partner’s love language could help a great deal. Whilst this particular book is written for married couples, Gary Chapman has a range of other love language books as well.
The one person you should definitely be saying this to is yourself.
Here’s a challenge for you, wander over to a mirror right now, look yourself in the eye, and tell yourself I love you (without cringing, laughing, or feeling stupid). The more you do this and the more you believe it, the happier and more content you will be.
Do you have something important to say? If so, don’t wait. There is no time like today to say what’s important.
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