Trust Your Instincts

Travelling the world by myself has definitely helped me learn how to trust my instincts.

Travelling by yourself means that you have to make regular judgments on your safety and wellbeing. Should I catch the bus or walk, should I stay in this place or that one, should I trust this person, sit next to this person, or should I eat that?

Over the years I have learnt to trust my instincts, but there is one thing that can bring me unstuck.

It’s when I worry.

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Being a worrier can mess with trusting your instincts. You find yourself asking – is it instinct or is it worry?

Occasionally, something happens that has me questioning why I didn’t trust my instincts. One occasion was when my 2-year contract unexpectedly came to an end. My contract was up for renewal at the end of the year.

Before that renewal happened, I turned 50 and planned a fabulous birthday party. I provided food and drinks at a very cool rooftop bar and had a wonderful night.

Before the party, I made the decision that I would start saving money straight after my birthday splurge in case my contract wasn’t renewed. It was a fixed-term contract after all, so there were no guarantees. I figured it was a good idea to have a financial buffer – just in case.

At least that is what I told myself. The real reason I started saving was –

I had an uneasy feeling.

To be honest, at the time I couldn’t even articulate in words what that feeling was. It was just there, kind of lingering.

I talked about my ‘just in case’ plan to my closest friends. They asked questions about my work situation, listened to the answers, and offered their assurances. They told me that I would be fine and encouraged me to stop worrying.

A friend said I was probably being a little paranoid because of what had happened in the past.

Back in 2013, I was suddenly fired without reason or warning. It came as a total shock. As much as I hate to admit it, that memory stayed with me. It haunted me a little (if there is such a thing as a little haunting!) I wrote about it here on the blog, and while I emotionally moved on, sometimes we aren’t fully aware of the scars situations can leave behind.

Sometimes we think we have moved through a situation until a similar one raises its ugly head and we feel like we’ve jumped into a time machine. Suddenly we are projected right back in that awful moment again.

So I started saving! I started staying home more and saving money

No matter how much I tried – I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. That something was coming.

Not long after that, I had my performance review and did well. It was at that point that I decided that my feeling didn’t mean anything.

I wrote it off as worrying. The feeling was still there, but I decided to ignore it. I stopped saving as much and started going out more again.

Then one day I was called into a meeting room at work and saw the HR lady sitting there. I knew immediately my instincts had been right all along. Once I got over the shock of being told they wanted to take the role in a different direction, all I could think was why didn’t I keep saving?

Honestly, that whole moment felt like an out-of-body experience. It was like it was happening to someone else. Despite my gut feeling that something was going to go wrong, I was still in shock.

The interesting thing is that the HR lady could have easily been there to tell me that my contract was being renewed. They attend both sorts of meetings. It was my gut instinct that immediately told me that it wasn’t going to be good news. There was no ignoring my gut feeling this time around.

It was truly an upsetting time in my life. I loved that job. I loved the people, I loved the work. Suddenly it was all gone.

It was a brutal reminder that I needed to trust my instincts.

Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links, and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Any compensation I receive does not affect the price you pay.

Let’s have a look at how to learn to trust your instincts instead of writing them off as worry.

Listen to your instincts

At this point in the story, this one would seem pretty obvious!

So how do we do that exactly? We need to dig deeper into that feeling. It might feel uncomfortable, but you are going to have to do some digging into why you are feeling the way you are.

Start with the why, what, how, when, and who questions. Why do you think you are feeling this way? Is there someone in particular who is driving this feeling? What specific thoughts are adding to this feeling? When did the feeling start? Was it triggered by something in particular? How are these feelings manifesting on a physical level, and is that something I should be listening to?

As you can imagine, there are a lot of questions you could ask here, so work on whatever ones are appropriate for you.

If you do all of this and you can’t quite shake the feeling that something is not right, then accept the way you feel even if you don’t know exactly what it means.

Get your worry under control

If you are a big worrier, this one is important. I have written a post on how to worry less, so make sure you take a look at that one.

I have been working on reducing this whole worry thing, and I am getting better at confining my worry to the big-ticket items in my life and not worrying about crap that doesn’t matter.

The great news is if you are not a big worrier, you are in a fantastic position to totally trust your instincts.

Get help to heal the scars

Sometimes we need help to work through difficult situations. No shame in it. Come to think of it, getting help is something we should feel incredibly proud of!

Help comes in many different shapes and forms depending on the sort of support we need. It could be seeing a qualified counselor, joining a group session, or talking to your best bud (just to name a few).

Reach out to people that can help. Don’t hesitate to see a professional counselor when you need help.

Need some help dealing with life’s ups and downs? This excellent book can help. I love this book and personally got a lot out of it. Grab a copy of Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before: Everyday tools for Life’s Ups and Downs by Dr Julie Smith.

Don’t be scared of your instincts

This post isn’t about trying to scare you. It’s definitely not about being scared of your instincts.

Your instincts aren’t trying to scare you; they are trying to protect you. They are trying to shield you. Trusting your instincts is more about love than fear (granted it might not feel that way at the time, so it can take a bit of getting used to).

When our instincts are indicating we need to be prepared for something coming our way, we tend to jump straight to fear mode. We fear our instincts, so we ignore them (and hope like hell they go away).

If we understand they are coming from a place of love and protection (not fear), we are more likely to embrace what they are trying to tell us.

Have a backup plan

I am definitely not trying to freak out anyone on a fixed-term contract with my personal story.

But the truth is, we need a backup plan when we are on a fixed-term anything!

In particular, we need a financial backup plan because, let’s face it, we can get ourselves out of a tough spot in lots of different situations, but some of them require money. If you have that extra money available, it’s a huge burden lifted – if not, we can feel extremely stressed and anxious.

I know when people are doing it tough, having extra money for a backup plan can be hard work; it can feel downright impossible. But it’s definitely worth it. Even a small amount of money stashed away for an emergency can make a difference.

Trust yourself

When we want to believe something, it can be easy to get caught up in the ‘it will be fine’ consensus. If enough people are saying it and we desperately want to believe it, we can get sucked into the okay, I’ll run with this and ignore my instincts approach.

To be honest, the whole wording of it will be fine doesn’t really float my boat at the best of times. Fine doesn’t fill me with happiness and joy. I would like to be a hell of a lot better than fine.

We need to really trust ourselves on this whole you are just being paranoid thing as well. Sometimes we are feeling paranoid for a bloody good reason, and sometimes we are not (which of course is the tricky part).

We have to go back to the dissecting our feelings exercise I mentioned earlier to work out if our feelings are being triggered by something genuine.

By all means, listen to the opinions of the people closest to you, but when it all comes down to it, trust yourself and your instincts.

Trust that everything will work out regardless of what happens

This is really the biggie. No matter what our instincts are telling us – no matter what happens we need to believe that it is all going to work out okay.

There are a lot of things we can’t control. Worrying won’t change that; however, listening to our instincts can help us be better prepared for change or help us avoid unpleasant and harmful situations altogether.

We have to believe that it will all work out and that whatever new direction we end up taking is exactly where we are supposed to be!