woman texting

I was chatting to a female friend recently when she brought me up to speed on a current dating phenomenon. It involves a lot of texting.

It involves flirting via text and photos going back and forth. This process can go on for weeks and sometimes months. My friend advised that she often gets texts from guys she used to know out of the blue after not hearing from them for up to a year!

The interesting thing about this dating phenomenon is that it often doesn’t involve an actual date.

Do we still do those? You remember them, back when people met in person out in public and talked to each other. I’m pretty sure they used to call it this thing called getting to know one another.

Sure, lots of people are texting and meeting in person, but it’s definitely not for dates or relationships. It’s more for hooking up, or known in my day as a fling. Short, brief, over. Fling.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with hanging a fling. However, flings or one-night stands are a problem when you are seeking a genuine relationship with the person. When you actually want to have a relationship with someone, then flings are usually empty and disappointing.

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It’s important to remember that texting is not a relationship.

People who are looking for a relationship will most likely be peeved if you keep texting but never suggest an actual date.

People who are looking for a relationship will be offended if you text constantly and then try to arrange a hook up when you haven’t even met!

I hate to break the news to you, but you don’t have a relationship if you are simply texting each other and haven’t met in person.

It’s important to remember that twenty random text messages do NOT make a committed relationship.

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Besides, if you are texting one person (with no indication of any sort of meeting to be arranged on the horizon), who’s to say you’re not texting a dozen people at the same time? Who’s to say they aren’t texting many other people as well?

On that note, if you are texting a dozen people, misleading each one – please stop now! It’s bad form.

I suspect that many of the men who text my friend out of the blue are actually married or in relationships. They are simply using my friend to spice things up with some sexy texting!

Of course, I fully appreciate the need to engage with a person before deciding if you want to meet them. It makes sense to see if you have anything in common first. You don’t want to get on a date and have nothing to talk about. This is where texting can come in handy.

Big tip – don’t freak out if you don’t get a response to a text 5 minutes later. People have jobs, commitments, and responsibilities and may take time to respond. Not everyone is checking their phone constantly (I know, shocker right!)

If you are sitting with your mobile phone or laptop repeatedly checking messages, you might want to back away from the technology and go work on that having a life thing yourself.

Abusing someone because they didn’t write back quickly enough won’t help your cause. What it will do is send the person running for the hills (and rightfully so)!

If you mutually decide that you want to meet each other, then do something about it.

Be brave and ask the person out!

If they say yes – fantastic. If they say no, take a deep breath, pat yourself on the back for being courageous, and move on.

No getting upset or being nasty. Simply move on. This particular person is not for you.

Think of it as dodging a bullet instead of feeling rejected. Moving on to someone right for you is better than dating (or worse, marrying) the wrong person, then breaking up a couple of years down the track and having to start all over again this time with a broken heart or a bitter disposition. Or both.

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Texting is not a relationship

Texting definitely plays a part in a relationship, but by itself, with no other contact, it’s not a relationship. If you are looking for something real, don’t fall into this trap.

You deserve better. You deserve a relationship with someone who will treat you with respect and care. You deserve a relationship with someone who will show up in person.

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Related post – 20 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Want to Find Love