It’s amazing how many thoughts pop into your head when you are in the shower.
After talking to a close friend about her partner recently, it got me thinking about relationships and breakups.
Mid-shower I started thinking about one of my ex-boyfriends who caused me a lot of pain back in the day. To be honest, I don’t think about my ex’s much any more, so it came as a bit of a surprise.
I remembered taking him back after he cheated on me and how I moved to another city to be with him only to have him dump me three months later. To add insult to injury, I took him back only to have him cheat on me again.
For a moment I wondered what had become of him. For a split second, I thought of looking him up on Facebook.
Then I thought –
Why the hell would you do that?
Why would I want to see what he is doing years down the track? Whilst I hope he is doing well as a fellow human being, I have no interest in knowing any details of his life now.
He is firmly in the past and that is where he will stay.
All too often we get caught up in the unhealthy habit of dwelling on the past.
I’m not saying you should stick you head in the sand and deny that your past happened. You need to deal with the wounds of old relationships or similar situations will continue to surface in your life (and yes, I learnt this little gem the hard way!)
But once you have done the hard yards (and some of it will be incredibly hard), it’s time to move on and not look back. It’s time to stop looking behind you.
There can be positives to thinking about former flames. For me, it’s realizing how much I have grown as a person.
In many ways I am a different person now. I have a much higher sense of self-esteem (celebrations to that!), I’m not attracted to the same sorts of people I used to be, I have a completely different set of values and I am much smarter about the choices I make in my life.
Sometimes it’s not just about putting your ex behind you, it’s about putting your old self behind you as well.
It’s about fessing up to your mistakes (I did keep taking him back when I should have kicked him to the curb), learning from them and most of all forgiving yourself.
Often it’s not our ex-partners we need forgiveness from but ourselves.
Just on growth and maturity, there is something important to mention here. We naturally assume that because we get older we grow as a person and get more mature with our decisions, particularly when it come to relationships. Unfortunately that isn’t always the case. I’ve seen plenty of people in their 50’s and even 60’s making some damn awful relationship choices.
Be aware personal growth and maturity are not always the same thing.
The next time you find yourself wandering down memory lane, make your thoughts about your personal growth and not about your ex.
And whatever you do stay away from Facebook when you are feeling vulnerable!
Live in this moment – right now – and focus on making your future exciting and wonderful!
As one of my favorite quotes says –
Don’t look back. You’re not going that way.” – Unknown
Focus your energy on the future because that’s the direction you’re going.
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