It’s human nature to want to be accepted by the people closest to us.
Yet sometimes the people closest to us can be the most critical and judgmental. Criticism can be rough, particularly when it comes from people we love or respect.
Often we bend ourselves inside out seeking people’s approval.
In the process, we lose parts of ourselves.
Here are my tips on how to stop waiting for acceptance and accept yourself.
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Stop being a people pleaser
You can’t please everyone so do yourself a favor and stop trying.
People pleasers go out of their way to make sure everyone is happy, often making themselves miserable or exhausted in the process.
If you are a people pleaser, now is the time to ask yourself why you do it.
Dig deep for the real reasons you try to please everyone. Is it a control mechanism, fear of rejection if you say no, are you seeking validation or recognition, or are you doing it to secretly get something back in return?
Work out your ‘why’ and then you have a place to start modifying your behavior.
Related content that can help with self-acceptance –
- 12 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough
- 20 Ways to Stop Caring What People Think of You
- Know Your Own Worth
- 10 Behaviors That Stop You Growing as a Person
Stop explaining yourself
Someone criticized my lifestyle recently and I found myself giving a long explanation for why I do certain things.
I found myself seeking acceptance.
It wasn’t until a couple of days later, that I realized what I had done and how completely unnecessary that explanation was as I have the right to make my own choices.
Feeling vulnerable made me feel like I had to explain myself. I felt like I had to justify my lifestyle and choices.
Be aware of when this happens and who this happens with (our parents are a classic example). Accept there are moments when we feel vulnerable but each time hold your ground.
Over time we can work at not explaining or justifying ourselves.
Align with your values
If you align your actions and thoughts with your values you will have a much stronger sense of self.
Notice I said YOUR values. I didn’t mention anything about your parents, partner, grandparents, sister or brother.
If you don’t know what your values are, you need to work on that pronto!
Stop trying to get people with different values to accept you
This is particularly relevant for families. Yes, we love our families but why do we bend ourselves into pretzels trying to have people accept us who have a completely different set of values to our own?
Why do we let other people who do not share our own values and beliefs define us?
Seriously when you think about it, it’s a little bit nuts!
Let people have their values and stick steadfastly to yours but stop beating your head against a brick wall trying to get them to accept your values.
People can still love each other and have different values.
Related post – How to Believe in Yourself When People Don’t Support You
Validate yourself from within
Way too often we look outside ourselves for validation. We need other people to tell us we are attractive, smart or valuable as a human being. We let other people define our worth instead of owning our self-worth.
Well, enough of that horse shit!
You were valuable as a human being the minute you were born and you have stayed that way ever since.
It’s time we accept ourselves (flaws and strengths combined) instead of relying on other people to do it for us.
People have their own agendas, their own insecurities to deal with, and often their own reasons for holding us back or trying to control us.
If your actions and thoughts align with your values, you won’t need outside validation.
Your sense of self-worth and acceptance should always come from within.
Some days you will struggle (which is completely okay) and you’ll need to give yourself a reminder of who you are and what you represent but your internal light of self-worth is always shining.
You just have to be courageous enough to let it lead your way and always believe in its presence and power. Stop waiting for acceptance and accept yourself. Shine on!
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Read Next – How to Live for Yourself and Not For Other People