Today’s post is about relationships. The good, the bad and the ugly.
More to the point – when good turns to bad should you take someone back after things have gotten ugly?
Should you take someone back who has hurt you?
We all know couples that have broken up and gotten back together. Some many times over.
Many of us have experienced this break up dance ourselves – my hand is way up in the air on this one! Been there done that, got the tee-shirt as they say.
We probably all know at least one couple that have beaten the odds and naturally we want that for ourselves as well. We all like to think we are the exceptions!
If you are thinking about getting back with your ex, it’s time to ask yourself some serious questions.
Why did you break up in the first place?
It’s the reason we break up that makes all the difference.
Perhaps you had a minor disagreement, perhaps it was a timing issue. Maybe they weren’t over their ex. Perhaps you broke up over an infidelity or addiction.
I’ve taken back a cheater only to have him cheat on me again. He was a serial cheater so it was a stupid move on my part. I was young, insecure and what I thought was ‘madly in love’. The interesting thing is I can barely remember the guy now!
Each couple has their own story. Whatever your reason for breaking up it needs to be something you can both work on and move past which leads to my next point.
Can the damage be repaired?
Are you both prepared to put in the work and time to rebuild your relationship?
Depending on the reason you broke up this could be a considerable amount of work. You have to both be 100% committed to repairing the damage.
Why do you want to get back together?
This last question is where we often deceive ourselves. We often take people back for all the wrong reasons and guise it under the ‘ I love him/her’ banner.
Here are some of the reasons we take people back and it goes without saying these should be avoided.
- You are lonely. You convince yourself that being with ‘insert name here’ is better than being alone. Actually it’s not because you are in for more heartache when you break up again and/or an intensified level of loneliness that comes from having someone sitting next to you yet feeling heartbreakingly alone.
- You don’t want to start over. I’m not saying this isn’t daunting. As someone who is currently taking a step back from the dating world, it’s scary and intimating to think about starting over. Fear however is not a good reason to take someone back who has already hurt you.
- You have low-self esteem and don’t believe in our own worth. It’s never a good reason to be with someone because you think no one else will want you. Forget about getting back with your ex (forget about being in a relationship at all for that matter) and focus on yourself and building your self-esteem. Learn to love yourself. (You might be thinking that sounds cheesy but seriously it is so important).
- You feel like you are running out of time. This doesn’t just apply to women wanting to start a family. I’ve seen men make this mistake too. You have a goal in mind and a deadline and the ex just happens to be around at the time. It’s a crappy version of musical chairs. Hardly sounds like the basis for a lasting relationship does it?
I have taken back 3 partners over the years. Considering my current single status, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the ‘breaking up/getting back together’ dance hasn’t work well for me. Ultimately all of those relationships ended.
Deciding whether to let someone back in your life doesn’t just apply to romantic partners. In an earlier post I mentioned that a good friend ended our relationship. The truth of the matter was he ended our friendship back in January 2009 as well.
I decided after careful consideration to take him back into my life. Jump forward five years and he hurt me again. Whether I want to admit it, some of that is on me, because I gave him the opportunity. I was the one who let him back in my life.
As much as it hurts sometimes we just have to cut our losses and let people go.
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Have you taken back an ex? Did your relationship work out?