In early July I wrote about dealing with the end of a friendship in my life.
In a nutshell, one of my best friends decided not to be my best friend anymore. If you didn’t catch this earlier post, you can read it now – How to Deal with the End of a Friendship.
Getting over a break up is never easy, regardless of whether you were best friends or lovers in an intimate relationship.
So how am I doing now? I am doing pretty damn well.
If you are going through a similar situation here are my tips on how to deal with the end of a friendship.
Important Note – I am not a medical professional or trained therapist, so if you are struggling with depression, anxiety or suspect you may have a mental illness, please consult a medical professional.
Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Any compensation I receive does not affect the price you pay.
Let go of the anger
The anger has subsided. This experience had made me realize that sometimes people stay angry as a coping mechanism.
On some level, anger seems easier to cope with than sadness and loss, however, holding onto anger is never a good option.
I saw first hand what it did to my Dad after my Mum left him and I personally would not recommend it. It’s horrible. It eats away at a person from the inside out, leaving them an empty shell.
Anger takes over and makes you bitter and twisted (or twitter and bisted as I once told a friend after a few too many wines). All jokes aside, anger is not pretty. Don’t let it take over your life.
Understand that staying angry is a choice. You can choose to let the anger go.
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- Know Your Worth – 10 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself
- 10 Behaviors That Stop You Growing as a Person
- How to Work Through Your Abandonment Issues
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- Know Your Own Worth Even When it Feels Like the World Doesn’t Quite Agree with You
Let the blame go
The other thing to let go of is blame. I think this is another reason why people choose to stay angry.
When you’re angry with someone, it’s easier to blame them for everything that went wrong (without having to think about the role you played in things falling apart).
If you need additional help dealing with the loss of a friendship, these books can help –
- When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon or Wound You
- What Did I Do Wrong? What to Do When You Don’t Know Why the Friendship is Over
Don’t over-analyze everything to death
In past relationships, I was all about the over-analyzing. To be quite frank – I’m over it.
As I mentioned in my first post, I’m sick of crying over people who aren’t crying over me.
While I appreciate that taking time out to reflect on your relationship is healthy there is also a point where you can over-analyze.
Related post – How to Stop Obsessing
The key thing (and I can’t stress this enough) is NO CONTACT.
This means not seeing them, no texting, no Facebook, definitely no Facebook stalking (even the nice kind), no driving by their house and no late night phone calls. No telling them you miss them. Period.
The reason I am so adamant about the no contact rule is that I have broken it in the past.
I have sent the lonely ‘I miss you’ text only to feel even more miserable after sending it. Even if they do respond, you generally feel terrible.
You might even get to see them again, get to hang out – then the same problems that broke the relationship in the first place reappear (and they will), you part ways again and you feel even worse than when you started (which you didn’t think was possible).
Focus on you
If you have broken up with someone lately (or they broke up with you) right now is the time to focus on other aspects of your life – whether it’s family, career or friends.
Focus on what is important to you.
Now could be an excellent time to focus on nurturing your other relationships. Here are some books that can help strengthen your friendships.
- Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of Girlfriends
- Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness
Now I am all about moving on. For me, it’s about having fun and enjoying life.
Are you dealing with the end of a friendship or going through a breakup? Where are you currently at with your healing process?
Stay strong and believe in yourself. Focus on all of the wonderful people and things you currently have in your life and forget about the one who walked away.
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