I had breakfast with a friend recently that I hadn’t seen in ages. I didn’t realize time had gotten away from me and I hadn’t seen her in a year. I was shocked when I realized how long it had been.
We had a wonderful time.
It was lovely catching up with her and hearing all about how her life was going. It was a big wake up call for me. As regular readers will know last year wasn’t the best year for me.
For various reasons I spent a lot of time alone and didn’t see some of my friends as often. I lost touch with a lot of people. Consequently, I’m on a mission to reconnect with some of my wonderful friends.
Here are my tips on how you can do the same.
Make the effort
I wasn’t making the effort last year. I definitely had my reasons but now those reasons have resolved themselves. It’s time to cast off those unpleasant memories and move forward. Making the effort could mean contacting friends more than once.
Don’t just ring a friend, leave a message and then dismiss them if they don’t ring back straight away or at all for that matter. We are all busy, we miss messages or we hear a message and think I must call them back, then get busy and forget.
Reaching out to people means taking that into consideration. You might have to make a concentrated effort to get in touch with them.
Just because I’m ready to see more of my friends doesn’t mean that they are going to have tonnes of time to spare. I need to work in with their timetables as well as them working in with mine.
Be patient and realize that give and take is required. Don’t expect people to drop their plans for you (especially if you haven’t seen them for a long time).
Don’t do all the talking
When you haven’t seen someone for a while it can be tempting to tell them everything that has been going on. That’s great but remember not to be the one doing all the talking. Exchange back and forth is the best way to go because you want to hear about all everything they’ve been up to as well. If you do all the talking, all of the time, people will start to doubt how interested you are in them.
Listening to people is a great way to truly connect.
Make a real effort to connect
Be sincere. Whether you are making new friends or reconnecting with old ones be sincere.
Don’t try to fake caring about people. Don’t spend time with people just because you are feeling lonely. Spend time with people because you genuinely care about them.
Don’t use people
Let’s face it the world is full of users. I know that sounds negative but it’s also a fact. Don’t be a user and don’t allow people to use you. Full stop. No exceptions (yes that applies to family as well, just in case you were wondering). Being related doesn’t mean you can use people.
Don’t overwhelm people
You want people to feel like you want to spend time with them, not like they are being stalked.
Some relationships can resume like not a day has gone by, you can virtually continue where you left off. Others don’t quite work that way. Others you need to build your relationship again. Don’t ask probing, intimate questions if you haven’t seen people for a while. Spend time with them and rebuild the relationship first.
Before you start sending emails off to every person you haven’t spoken to for a while you might want to consider another approach.
Instead of a scatter gun approach trying to connect with everyone – pick out people you really want to reconnect with and focus on them. Basically don’t spread yourself too thin.
Go for quality over quantity as least in the beginning then you can build momentum and reach out to more people.
Of course if you want to connect with lots of people all at once, get them to the same place and have one hell of a party! That will work too!
Do you have some old friends that you want to reconnect with?
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