Self Love Lessons - Be The Sort of Person You Want to Attract

I had a thought the other day about relationships and wanted to share it with you. My thought was, be the sort of person you want to attract.

Let me explain further.

I have been out of the dating game for a while now on a self-imposed hiatus. Recently, I have been thinking it might be time to start dating again.

Disclosure – This post contains affiliate links, and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. Any compensation I receive does not affect the price you pay.

Consequently, that has me thinking about what I want in a relationship and some of the mistakes I’ve made in the past.

I realized that, unfortunately, I had a habit of getting involved with weak men.

It’s certainly not something I have done on purpose. It’s not like I went looking for someone weak.

What does weak mean in this instance?

Here are a few examples.

Men who bail at the first sign of trouble or any sort of problem
Men who don’t return the support you give them (basically, it’s all take and no give)
Men who cheat, lie, or take the easy way out
Men who are controlling or feel easily threatened.

I started wondering why I seemed to be attracting these types of men.

Then it hit me – It’s because I was being weak myself.

Ouch! Yep, that particular epiphany stung a lot.

In my twenties and thirties, I didn’t consider myself a weak person.

In fact, I considered myself an independent and strong person. In many ways, I was both of those things, but when it came to my relationships with men, that’s where my weaknesses kicked in (no doubt fueled by my insecurities and lack of self-love).

Men saw my insecurities and used them to their advantage.

I put up with a lot of unacceptable behavior. I didn’t stand up for myself. I didn’t love myself enough.

I would try to fix a relationship despite the fact that I should have walked away. I was weak when it came to picking men in the first place.

Because I had commitment/abandonment issues of my own to work through, I secretly chose men that I knew wouldn’t or couldn’t commit. I sometimes got involved with men who were already with someone (a weak, not to mention totally stupid and deeply regrettable, course of action on my part).

I would often present myself as the person I thought they wanted to date, rather than who I really was.

I wasn’t confident enough to be myself.

Related posts –

Thankfully, I am much stronger now.

I am confident in my own skin. What you see is what you get nowadays. No pretending to be something else to attract someone or keep them happy. No pretending I like things I don’t.

I was talking to someone recently about my cat. They suggested that a new man in my life might be intimidated by that relationship. My first thought was – I had better tone that down. My next thought was – screw that. Yes, I love my cat. I also love dozens of other things and people and have more than enough room for all sorts of different love in my life.

If someone is weak enough to be intimidated by a cat, they are definitely not the man for me. If a cat threatens him, I can only imagine how he would hold up in an actual crisis – the answer is he wouldn’t, he would be out the door.

I am kind, loving, supportive, and respectful.

The difference now is that I expect those same qualities in return, and I won’t settle for anything less. If that means I stay single, I am good with that.

If you are looking for a particular trait in someone, make sure you have that trait in yourself.

Relationship books that you might find helpful –