So you've worked really hard on your personal growth and you think you've grown as a person. But what if you change and people don't realize you are different? What if they don't notice how much you've changed?

Something interesting happened to me the other day. I had an enlightening conversation with my best friend.

After I mentioned that I had been harmlessly flirting with a single male friend who happens to live in Sydney, my friend commented that she hoped I wasn’t going to give up everything and move interstate for him.

I was shocked. I was surprised she would even suggest such a thing.

Then I remembered something.

In the past, I have relocated for relationships. Twice. In 1990, I moved interstate, and in 2000, I moved overseas. Both were for love (or at least what I believed was love at the time).

Both instances, however, were a long time ago, and I would not do anything like that now. Consequently, her comment got me thinking.

What happens if we do all this personal growth work, but nobody notices how much we’ve changed and grown as a person?

It made me ask: are we always the sum of our earlier mistakes and experiences? Is previous experience (no matter how long ago) an indicator of future action?

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Here are some of my thoughts on change and personal growth.

People can change, but only when they want to

I know people can change because I have changed a lot myself. I changed because I wanted to.

I have also grown up a lot and matured. Losing my father forever changed me.

Choosing to work with a life coach was a huge positive turning point for me. Taking that step, asking for help, and admitting that I wanted more out of life was a healthy step forward.

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Personal growth is something you do for yourself

The whole point of personal development and growth is not to impress others.

It shouldn’t matter that other people don’t notice just how far you have come.

What matters is that you are aware of how much you have grown. It’s important to be proud of yourself and the person that you have become. It’s important to acknowledge your progress even if you still have a long way to go.

Whilst I’m not an ego-driven person, when my friend made her comment, I think my ego may have kicked in (leaving me feeling a little bruised in the process).

Related post – Are You Proud of Yourself?

Recent behavior is often an indicator of future behavior

I believe this can be true on many levels.

Take one of my ex-boyfriends, for example. I found out he was cheating on me. It wasn’t a one-off, highly regrettable mistake. He had cheated on me multiple times at the beginning of our relationship. At the time, cheating had become a habit and way of life for him.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of taking him back and giving him another chance. It was stupid of me to think that a serial cheater could change his behavior and habits.

He didn’t do any personal growth work to change his actions. He didn’t try to be a better person.

I am fairly sure that he would have cheated on the person he dated after me. His past behavior was a flashing red light for future behavior.

Related post – Are You Repeating the Same Mistakes?

Just because things look the same from the outside doesn’t mean they are

From the outside, my life probably looks a lot the same. I live in the same house, have the same furniture, and still look the same (give or take more wrinkles and some extra weight).

What has changed for me is what’s on the inside.

The parts that people can’t evaluate as easily, such as higher self-confidence and self-esteem.

A great book that can help you deal with other people’s expectations and actions is The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About by Mel Robbins. This is a fantastic book! This book will be a game-changer if you fully embrace the let them theory in your life.

People are busy with their own lives

It’s important to point out that people probably do notice, but they are also busy living their own lives.

I know deep down my friend knows I wouldn’t move interstate on a whim.

Also, I have to admit in my friend’s defense, she does have a point regarding one part of my personality.

I’m a spontaneous person. I like that side of myself, and it’s one part of me that I don’t plan on changing any time soon!

My response to my dear friend was honest and to the point. I replied that I did those things a long time ago, and I am not the same person now.

Have you had a personal growth breakthrough that family and friends didn’t notice? Did it matter to you in the end?

If you enjoyed this post, please share it with your friends via social media.

Make sure you grab yourself a copy of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.

Read Next – 10 Important Ways to Make Yourself a Priority