I stumbled upon an old diary over the weekend. The diary was from 1994, when I was 28 years old. I decided to take a stroll down memory lane. Within minutes, I was laughing my head off. I was amazed at how social I was. I was a social butterfly.
I went out a LOT back then.
Every night (though I occasionally stayed home on Monday nights), I was out. Movies, dinners, shows, social club work functions, you name it.
Once I started writing and blogging, my life became less social. For a long time, I was focused on my writing and blogging goals.
Writing is a solitary pursuit. While people do collaborate on certain writing projects, it tends to be something you do on your own. It’s not exactly party central. I love being creative, so that makes up for it.
Since I had a conference coming up, it got me thinking about how to make the most of networking.
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Here are my 7 tips on networking from a former social butterfly
Don’t drink too much
A few too many entries in my old diary start with the words – bad hangover.
I admit I drank too much and too often back then.
This is something I will be acutely aware of as I attend the conference.
Firstly, I don’t want to do anything embarrassing (which, as we all know, is more likely to happen when you have had a few drinks). Secondly, I want to remember the people I meet and talk to.
What’s the point of meeting all of these amazing people and learning new skills and information if you don’t remember it later?
I also don’t want anyone to remember me for all the wrong reasons.
Embrace the one-on-one
Even back when I was 28, I enjoyed meeting people one-on-one.
This probably explains why I went out so often in the first place, because I had a lot of friends to catch up with and I enjoyed talking to them privately.
Talking one-on-one gives you the chance to talk more openly. You are more likely to confide in someone and have a more in-depth conversation when you are not part of a large group.
When two people are talking, it allows them to connect.
This is going to be interesting from a conference point of view since there will be a lot of people all wanting the same thing.
Quiet areas or private moments may be hard to come by. I imagine the best chance for a one-on-one conversation will be to book meetings for breakfast, lunch, or dinner before, after, or during the conference.
Related post – How to Have a Two-Way Conversation
Go to the large group
The times when the one-on-one went out the window were work social functions and my birthday parties.
I had some epic birthday celebrations.
I would gather a group of wonderful friends at a fantastic Sydney restaurant and let the night unfold. I would flit around the room talking to everyone.
At one birthday, my 30th, I think, I made a habit of sitting on everyone’s lap and having my photo taken. While I won’t be sitting on anyone’s lap at the conference, I will be trying to socialize with some of the larger groups.
Of course, this is fundamentally where networking gets tricky.
With birthday and work functions, I pretty much knew everyone. If people brought along a friend I didn’t know, I was quick to introduce myself and say hello.
At a conference, it’s completely different since you may have never met anyone before, or at least not in person.
I plan to reach out to as many of my existing online friends who are going to the event, so it won’t feel so much like meeting strangers, as meeting online friends for the first time.
Don’t feel intimidated
I used to have a very outgoing boyfriend. He was the sort of person who made everyone laugh.
He loved being the center of attention.
Whenever we went out in a group, his best friend hardly said a word. I used to think his friend was incredibly shy until years later when I met him one-on-one.
He wasn’t shy.
He chose to step back when someone else was taking center stage, which meant most of the time when his best friend was around. He probably felt he couldn’t be as funny or as entertaining. He may have felt like he couldn’t compete or be heard, so he gave up.
Once I got to know him better, I realized he had a lot to add to conversations.
It can be difficult, but try not to feel intimidated by big personalities who monopolize the conversation.
Related post – It’s Not All About You
Don’t monopolize the conversation
You saw that one coming, didn’t you?
I have experienced this a few times myself. You go out with a group, and someone comments at the end of the night about how quiet you were.
Sometimes it’s not about you being quiet; it’s about someone else not being quiet enough!
I’m sure you know what I mean. One person was doing all of the talking (about themselves normally), and you couldn’t get a word in, so you stopped trying.
Keep trying. Perhaps break off into a sub-group to talk to other people if possible.
If you are the person doing all of the talking, ease up for a moment. Let someone else have a turn. The conversation will be much more interesting if you let other people participate.
Related post – Want to Have Better Conversations? Stop Doing This One Thing
Be Yourself
Whether we like to admit it, we can act differently around different people.
Not only that, but people see us at different stages of our life and assume that is who we are now or were in the past.
I’ll give you an example of a conversation that occurred between two of my close friends who met for the first time on a night out.
New friend – ‘It’s great to see her coming out of her shell.’
Old friend (from time in the diary) – ‘What do you mean? She’s always like that!’
They were both talking about me (from two different perspectives).
The important thing is to be yourself and act appropriately for the situation. Obviously, you are going to act differently in a business situation as opposed to a backyard barbecue with friends.
In a work situation, strive to be friendly, professional, and interesting.
Related post – Are You Afraid to Be Yourself?
Keep Learning
I still have a lot to learn about networking and socializing for business.
As a Personal Assistant, I was the one organizing large social functions (a valuable skill, I might add), though I didn’t always get to attend them.
Since I understand networking and socializing are not the same beasts, I will definitely be asking my friends who attend conferences regularly for some tips.
As for me, on a socializing level, I need to reignite my former inner social butterfly, dress her up, and take her to the party!
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As to your first point “Don’t drink too much”. I apologize but I have a different opinion. I learned a different lesson for business situations and it was ‘don’t drink any’. It truly set me apart and I was a welcome guest by the drinkers and non drinkers. I listened to each of them with the same amount of awareness. It is better to fit in with 100% of the guests than just a few. The drinkers didn’t care that I was only drinking soda or water and the non drinkers had another companion in having a truly intelligent conversation.
What is ‘too much’? Is it when I get loose enough to really talk about things or is it when I don’t realize that I’m a bore or hoging the conversation? I think that in reality most people who are drinking don’t actually recognize the line between the two.
When going to a really important event I don’t want to even get close to being the person who has had one too many. I want to go there at the top of my game, alert, smart and friendly.
What I have found is that people who drink really enjoying having a designated driver and I really enjoyed being able to remember every conversation that I had and not worry if I had too much and was I the entertainment of the night that everyone would remember in the wrong way. I got to drive home friends who thought they were the life of the party and they were. Too bad that they couldn’t remember much of it the next day.
This subject of drinking at business events is something that the serious business person will give consideration to. Do I need a drink to loosen up? Nope, I’m here to be alert and learn from the really smart people. I’m not here to drink and tell them all of my great and wise thoughts.
Hi Lee
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment.
I think you must have been reading my mind though because originally I was going to write don’t drink at all but changed my mind. I have been talking to one of my friends who has attended a lot of conference and he said the same thing. Don’t drink while you are there. I have a couple of days in NY after the event and he said I can go for drinks then instead.
I like what you are saying about staying alert. This is my first big conference and first blogging conference so there will be a lot to take in, process and learn, so a clear mind will definitely be a plus.
Thanks again for your comment Lee, it really has given me a lot to think about. I appreciate hearing your feedback on this topic. I hope to see you here on the blog again soon.
Cheers
Thea