Beware the Words 'I Should'

How many times a day do you hear yourself thinking or saying I should? As in, I should go to the gym, I should spend more time with my kids, I should clean the house.

I should be happier, smarter, thinner – you name it.

I did this right before I started typing this post. I looked at my weekly planner and thought I should have gotten more done this week.

Constantly saying I should rarely leaves us feeling motivated. It’s often filled with negative emotions. It can bring on feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and overwhelm.

Here’s the truth. I should is a two-word torture device.

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So why do we should all over ourselves? Let’s look at some of the reasons we do this.

We have unrealistic expectations

Let’s start by looking at our to-do list for the day. This is one area where we often have unrealistic expectations. We tend to jam too much on our daily to-do lists. Then we should all over ourselves when we don’t get it all done.

Think about what’s on your to-do list today. Is your list realistic? When you start with an unrealistic to-do list, you are setting yourself up to fail.

Instead, focus on your priorities. The tasks and people that matter the most. Get those done first and then work on the other things on your list.

Related post – How Your Top 5 Priorities Can Change Your Life

We put too much pressure on ourselves

We tend to put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

The worst thing is we do it so often, we might not even realize we are doing. Putting pressure on ourselves just becomes another bad habit that we fall into.

The more pressure, the more shoulds we have in our lives.

Related post – How to Stop Beating Yourself Up

We think we are motivating ourselves

Sometimes we think that by listing all the things we should be doing, it will motivate us. And maybe, sometimes that might work. We might get the motivation to do what we tell ourselves we should be doing.

But mostly, it just makes us feel inadequate and insecure.

A book that can help you with the I Should dilemma is F the Shoulds. Do The Wants, Get Clear on Who You Are, What You Want and Why You Want It by Tricia Huffman.

We compare ourselves

Often we say we should be doing something because everyone else is doing it.

We compare ourselves to other people and come up short. We think that if only we could do all of the things we should do, that would make us as good as everyone else.

Related post – 16 Thought-Provoking Comparison Quotes to Help You Stop Comparing Yourself

Let’s dive into another way to look at things.

To change the way we think, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves. When something is important to you, and you really want to get it done, you need to change your mindset.

Change your wording to I will.

I will complete my top priority tasks.

I will focus on the goals that are important to me. I will not be distracted by constantly thinking about what I should be doing instead.

I will be happy with what I achieve today.

I will be proud of myself.

I will.

I will is better when it’s followed by I have, as in I have completed my task and I feel great about it!

Beware the words I should

It’s time for all the should-ing to stop. Focus on your priorities. Take some pressure off yourself. Replace I should with an intentional I will mindset. 

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