Christmas presents

My parents got divorced in 1993. I was in my late twenties at the time. Even though I was an adult when they divorced, Christmas has never been the same since.

The truth about Christmas is that it can be a hard, lonely time of the year for many people.

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For families affected by divorce, Christmas can be a difficult time of the year, and with the divorce rate what it is, that can work out to be a lot of people.

Thankfully, some marriages end in a decent or at least civil manner, and people are still able to spend time together.

Then there are the rest of us.

For years, I found myself in a ‘pick a family member’ scenario. Basically, every Christmas I knew that I was going to upset someone.

I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but I started to dread Christmas.

I have a hinting suspicion I’m not alone. I am sure other people dread Christmas as well.

Despite all of the media advertising showing smiling happy families opening massive piles of Christmas presents (hence the reason for the advertising) and all the television programs showing us how to have the ‘Best Christmas Ever’ (no pressure there folks!), Christmas can be downright hard.

This isn’t even taking into account the financial expense and stress on the household budget that Christmas creates. One of my pet peeves is when advertising promotes families having lavish Christmas meals, which in reality, far too many people can’t afford.

For more on surviving the financial side of the silly season, read my post, How to Not Go Broke over Christmas.

Here are my thoughts for making Christmas more enjoyable or at least less stressful.

Don’t feel pressured

This one is no doubt the hardest.

People can put a lot of pressure on us about where we should spend Christmas (particularly if there are two or more households involved), how much we should be spending, what we should be eating and how things are supposed to look and go according to plan.

It can be a lot of pressure.

People could find themselves running all over the place trying to keep everyone happy. Christmas breakfast here, lunch there, Christmas dinner somewhere else.

Then there is the interesting question, what if everyone expects us to be in the same place for Christmas lunch?

Try not to feel pressured to keep everyone happy. Most likely, it will make some people happy and you completely miserable.

One year, I tried to visit both parts of my family in one day. Bear in mind, they live quite a distance from each other. Let’s just say, I’ll never do it again. While it seemed to keep people happy, I was completely miserable and exhausted by the end of it all.

There is an exception to this. If you are divorced with young children, you need to do what is best for the children. In other words, you might have to put your personal feelings aside and do what’s best for your kids. Naturally, each family is different, and what is good for the children can vary depending on the family dynamic.

Related post – What To Do When You Feel Trapped

Make visits short

If you don’t get along with your family and you decide to visit them for Christmas, keep the visit short.

Don’t sign up to spend weeks with a family with whom you don’t get along. Most likely, you will get on each other’s nerves, fights will ensue, and everyone will go home cranky and miserable.

Stay off forbidden subjects

If there are topics that you know will reignite an old problem or, for that matter, create a new one, avoid them altogether.

If your family have completely different values, morals and beliefs from you, stick to topics that won’t rock the boat.

Yes, that might mean you are talking about trivial, boring things, but it sure beats the alternative of fighting or bickering.

Related post – How to Have a Two-Way Conversation

Choose your own family

Some of your friends may not be able to spend Christmas with their families.

Either they have to work over Christmas and can’t get to visit family, live too far away from them (overseas or interstate for instance) or they simply choose not to spend Christmas with them.

Gather friends together and have your own celebration.

Remember family doesn’t always have to mean relatives. Sometimes we need to choose our own families.

Do your own thing

Does Christmas seem like a good time for an overseas holiday? Book something exciting over the Christmas break with a partner, friend or group.

Christmas doesn’t have to be the same thing every year, mix it up a little.

I know this idea is likely to get a lot of resistance from the people in our lives but sometimes when are stressed out, burnt out and really need a break, we have to put ourselves first. Perhaps we can arrange to spend time with family after the Christmas break is over?

Related post – 10 Ways to Make Yourself a Priority in Life

Make the most of time on your own

Christmas can be a lonely time of year for a lot of people.

They might not have family to spend time with or the family could be estranged. Friends and family may live in other countries. There are a lot of different reasons people can feel lonely at Christmas. As mentioned earlier a nasty divorce can rip a family apart.

In the past, I have chosen to spend Christmas Day at home on my own. One year I had friends visit and on another occasion I spent Christmas on my own. I know reading that some people will be horrified at the idea, some may even feel sorry for me being alone on Christmas Day. But honestly, I made it into an enjoyable, fun day. I did exactly what I wanted to, chilled out and relaxed. I spoke to a lot of people on the phone so I felt connected to people, even though I didn’t see them in person

Unfortunately, last year I was really sick on Christmas Day and was forced to spend it alone at home. I was sick and miserable. That option I definitely would not recommend. That wasn’t fun!

Related post – 12 Ways to Enjoy Your Own Company and Make the Most of Your Time Alone

Don’t compare families

If you want to have a lousy Christmas, this is definitely the way to go. Comparing ourselves to other people will make us miserable. Comparison strips the joy out of our lives.

We hear about someone’s big, happy, family Christmas where people get along, love and respect each other and then we compare our small, dysfunctional family gathering to that.

Even if our event wasn’t too bad, it certainly can’t compare to that.

Don’t compare in the first place and you will be a lot happier. Make peace with the fact that each family is different and don’t compare you Christmas to anyone else’s.

Related post – 16 Thought-Provoking Comparison Quotes to Help You Stop Comparing Yourself

Take time to decompress after Christmas

If you do visit your family and they are the dysfunctional kind, take time to decompress when you get back home.

Have things planned that relax or invigorate you (whichever one you need the most).

I normally lock myself in the house for a day with my favorite streaming service and veg on the couch with a couple of wines. Then I’m ready to head out and face the world again.

Related post – How to Lighten Up – 25 Tips for More Fun, Play and Relaxation

The truth about Christmas

Christmas should be about what you need it to be. Hopefully, that means spending time with loved ones, but if it doesn’t that is okay too. Not every family looks the same.

I hope you have a Christmas planned that you are looking forward to and not dreading. If you dread Christmas, it might be time to shake up your Christmas plans.

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Read Next – How to Survive Being the Black Sheep of the Family at Christmas