Falling Down

As we all know falling down is part of life. What’s important is how quickly you get back up again.

Falling down has taken on a whole new meaning for me recently.

Falling down isn’t about failing.

Before I continue, I should give you the heads up; this is going to be a personal post.

Blogging experts say you shouldn’t write entirely about yourself, but today I think I will break that rule. I can’t pretend this isn’t happening, so I might as well write about it.

Besides if this post helps even one person going through the same thing, it will be worth it.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, Coping with Life’s Unexpected Setbacks, I was taken to the hospital emergency room at the end of August after collapsing at home.

On Monday this week, a doctor diagnosed me with BPPV Vertigo.

I had been feeling dizzy off and on for several days. At this stage, I do not know if the incident in August and what is happening to me now are related, though it is looking highly possible.

Back in August, the hospital gave me a completely different diagnosis – a combination of low blood sugar and dehydration, so who knows for sure?

I haven’t fallen this week but Tuesday I came close. I felt okay until I went outside to pat my cat and whoosh, the courtyard started spinning. Not in a dizzy for a few seconds way; more like the spinning I experienced before needing to go to the hospital.

Had I not already been sitting down, I would have fallen down.

Thankfully it wasn’t as bad as last time; I could walk myself inside instead of having to be carried but I had to sit perfectly still for the next several hours to steady myself.

The doctor has given me exercises to help try to correct the condition and tablets to take to help with the dizziness and nausea. Doing the exercises makes me feel incredibly nauseous.

Without giving you a long medical spiel (which I probably couldn’t do accurately anyway), the exercises are to move some calcium crystals inside my right ear. They are in a place where they can cause damage, so I have to try to move them to a place in my ear where they won’t affect my balance.

I would love to write that I am feeling confident and positive but that would be total crap.

I’m worried and anxious and trying to not come across as a worried, anxious person.

Falling down my internal staircase or falling anywhere near my glass dining room table are both major concerns.

This would be one of those times where living by myself is not a positive.

It seems the condition affects people differently; some people get rid of BPPV vertigo quickly and never get it again. Some report being fixed after one treatment (which sounds damn fine to me).

Others are plagued with the condition for years. There are also different forms of vertigo which are a lot more serious, so I am extremely grateful I don’t have one of them.

I don’t want this horrible feeling or the fear of falling down in my own home to be part of my life. I want this to be temporary. I want this to go away and never come back.

There are specialists who treat this sort of thing. I’ve booked in to see one but unfortunately, the appointment is three weeks away. I’m on the waitlist. I’m praying someone cancels, so I can get in sooner.

The dizziness can be very random.

One minute I will be feeling fine, then I will move my head the smallest amount and feel sick, dizzy and unstable.

It can be hard trying to work out what might set off the dizziness.

No leaning down to pick up the cat bowl (no reaching down to pat the cat either for that matter), no looking down at the kitchen bench when you make your lunch, no rolling over a certain way in bed (though I haven’t quite worked this one out yet, I just know not to sleep on the ear with the problem). It can be interesting washing up the dishes when you can’t look down to see what you are doing for too long.

If you think having severe bed spins when you are drunk is bad, try having them when you are completely sober.

I’m probably whining too much. I know I’m being a sook. I admit to being a lightweight when it comes to illness. I can be strong in a lot of areas, but when it comes to problems with my health, I turn into a cream puff.

What can I say, we all have chinks in our personal armor.

I know there are so many people a lot worse off than me right at this moment. I do appreciate by comparison, how lucky I am.

I’m keen to go back to being ‘me’ again, instead of this person scared of turning her head too suddenly and ending up on the floor or sidelined to recover on the couch completely still for hours.

If you are still reading this far down the page, thank you for allowing me this self-indulgent post. It helped as a form of therapy for me and hopefully, it will help someone else as well.

PS – As I was typing this the specialist called and told me they had a cancellation. I’m booked in for next Tuesday. If I could, I would do a little happy dance. Dancing on the inside will have to do for now. Bring on Tuesday!

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