Yesterday I published Part 1 of How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality.
As promised, here is Part 2.
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Important Note – I am not a medical practitioner or trained therapist. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety or suspect you may have a mental illness, please consult a medical professional.
Let’s look at some more ways we can break out of a victim mentality.
Don’t be controlled by other people
It’s important that we don’t allow ourselves to be controlled by other people. Not being in control of our own lives can see us slipping into a victim mentality.
Let’s face it, if anyone knows how to push our buttons – it’s family. All too often, we let our family or in some cases our friends and work colleagues control us.
We feel powerless.
One of the most powerful ways of controlling others is by using guilt.
People will make you feel bad so that they can manipulate you. Guilt, however, only works when we allow it to.
I felt a lot of guilt when I was young. Being adopted, I felt guilty for simply being born for many years of my life. Imagine that! After all, I hardly had a say in the event. Later, I felt guilty for my parent’s unhappy marriage.
It wasn’t till I got older and realized none of this was my fault or burden to carry.
Once I understood this, the guilt from my family no longer had as much power over me. The fact of the matter is my family made their own decisions, and lived their own lives and I was not responsible for the outcome of their choices.
Guilt very rarely (if ever) results in anything positive. Work hard on ditching the guilt.
Related content to help stop feeling guilty –
- 20 Ways to Stop Feeling Guilty All the Time
- Stop Using Guilt to Get What You Want
- 20 Ways to Stop Caring What People Think of You
- 20 Know Your Worth Quotes to Increase Your Self-Worth
- Don’t Let Anyone Else Define Your Worth
You have the right to be YOU
This one follows closely to the above, particularly if you are feeling pressured by family or cultural expectations.
I am not married and I don’t have kids (by choice). I’m sure this fact has disappointed various members of my family at times. In saying that, I was definitely not going to bring a child into this world or get married, just to make someone else happy.
I also love to travel which I know doesn’t thrill them to bits either. My Dad used to think it was a terrible waste of money. Yet it’s my passion and I wasn’t going to stop, despite his disapproval.
Each and every one of us is unique in our own way. Don’t try to jam yourself into a mold that someone else wants for you.
Be yourself.
Related post – Why Do We Try so Hard to Conform?
Understand you deserve to be happy
This one is basic, yet it needs to be said.
You deserve to be happy.
There seem to be people out there who don’t seem to think they should be happy. They don’t fight for their happiness.
They seem to think they have to follow some other person’s version of being happy or worse live a life of suffering, misery, sacrifice, and obligation.
Of course, I’m not suggesting that you abandon the people who rely on you, we all have responsibilities we need to honor as we see fit. I’m simply saying there has to be a balance.
Setbacks can shake your resilience. The good news is your resilience can be worked on so that you feel bolder and braver. CreativeLive has an excellent course to build your resilience. The How to Be Bold, Resilient and Better Than Ever online course can help you with failures and disappointments, work out what is holding you back, and give you the courage and confidence to move forward.
Don’t make misery a competition
Have you ever been discussing your problems with someone when they start listing all of their problems as if they are comparing them to yours? Do you sometimes get the feeling they’re going out of their way to make sure they have a longer list of problems?
It’s like they are competing with you on who is more miserable or who has a tougher life!
They might even come straight out and say their life is harder than yours (making you feel bad about discussing your problems in the first place).
You might be thinking, why on earth would anyone want to turn misery into a competition?
It could stem from a need for attention, particularly if they are struggling with low self-esteem. It can also indicate that they are struggling with a victim mentality.
Misery as a competition is not a game you want to play and is definitely one you don’t want to win. Don’t get dragged into comparing problems.
Related post – Do People Care About Your Problems?
Stop the blame game
You might not want to hear this.
Depending on your situation, you might need to stop blaming other people for your problems.
At some point, you need to have a close, honest look and accept where you may have contributed to the problem.
Blaming other people is a classic trait of someone stuck in a victim mentality.
It’s easier to blame someone else than face up to our own mistakes and weaknesses.
The healthier option is to own up and accept where you made mistakes.
Bear in mind, this isn’t a beating yourself up mentally exercise. More negative self-talk and guilt will only perpetuate the feelings of being a victim.
Owning your mistakes is a sign of growth. Own your mistakes, learn from them, get help where you need it and move your life forward.
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Head over to the final post in the series – How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality – Part 3.
In case you missed it, make sure you also read How to Break Out of a Victim Mentality – Part 1.