Life can be hard. It can be complicated and complex.
Yet all that aside, I can’t help but wonder if as humans we tend to make our lives more complicated than they need to be.
I can’t help but ask the question – Do we make life more complicated?
Here are some things to consider if you think you might be making life more complicated than necessary.
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Don’t go looking for drama
As much as I hate to admit this, I used to be a bit of a drama queen, particularly when it came to relationships.
I’m not sure if it was a lack of self-esteem, boredom or simply seeking some excitement but looking back now on some of the decisions I made, I realize some of them created conflict and drama in my life.
Some of them created a LOT of drama.
I was not in touch with the consequences of my decisions. All of that drama didn’t make me happy. Mostly, it just made me miserable.
Related post – Are You Creating Drama in Your Life?
Learn from your mistakes
Earlier I wrote the post, Do You Learn from Your Mistakes? This post was a series of questions to ask yourself.
If you are not learning from your mistakes, the question you need to ask yourself is why?
Do you sabotage your life on purpose? You think to yourself if this crisis occurs, how could I possibly continue on with my plans? Then subconsciously, you help the crisis along. You make it happen.
Are you manufacturing an excuse to not move forward? Are you looking for a way out, so you don’t have to deal with the fact that you aren’t where or who you want to be in life?
Fear can make us do strange things and self-sabotaging is one of them.
If you think you are self-sabotaging your life, have a deep look at your fears, your self-esteem, and feelings of self-worth and work out why you are making your life more difficult. Work out what it is you are afraid of and then work on moving through and conquering that fear.
A great online course that can help you deal with your fears and mistakes is How to be Bold, Resilient and Better Than Ever. This course is run by Tabatha Coffey over at CreativeLive. Tabatha can help you identify your fears, learn from your mistakes and help you grow stronger and more resilient.
Related post – Are You Repeating the Same Mistakes?
Remember not every decision is forever
We often complicate our lives by our decisions or sometimes our inability to make a decision at all.
If you make a decision you are not happy with, in most cases (granted not all of them) you can change your mind and choose another path.
Don’t get into the mindset that everything is forever. This line of thinking will make every decision harder to make.
It goes without saying, that some of the decisions we make will have a profound effect on our lives. These are the decisions we need to consider seriously.
If you struggle to make decisions the book Smart Choices: The Practical Guide to Making Better Decisions might be just what you are looking for.
Learn how to let go
Letting go is not always easy.
Not letting go can often result in us complicating our lives, particularly if we are holding on to someone in our past, who has long since moved on.
Get counseling if you need to, but make the decision to let go and live in the present.
Related post – Letting Go of What Happened When You Are Still Dealing with the Consequences
Learn how to forgive
Holding grudges against people can hold you back from your true potential. It can also leave you bitter, twisted, and sad. It may even contribute to you becoming physically ill.
Similar to letting go, forgiving can be a blessing in disguise.
Related post – 10 Life-Changing Quotes on Forgiveness
Don’t stereotype yourself
I was talking to a friend the other day who labels himself a black-and-white kind of guy. This happens to be true, so it is a correct self-assessment. The problem, however, comes when that is all he sees himself as capable of.
If anything in the grey spectrum comes into his life, his stress levels skyrocket.
I’m not saying you should ignore your core personality type, but it certainly doesn’t help to stereotype yourself into a corner, with no room whatsoever for flexibility. Life has grey areas.
The sooner you accept this and learn to deal with them the better.
Related post – Stop Stereotyping and Labelling
Accept you cannot control everything
This one is often the hardest.
Many of the complications in our lives come from outside sources, some of which we have absolutely no control over.
Anyone who has had a loved one die through illness or an accident knows how out of control life can become and how helpless we feel when there is absolutely nothing we can do.
There is no easy answer.
People deal with feeling out of control differently. Some surrender to accepting they cannot control the situation, others try to control other parts of their life, while some rely on their faith to see them through their darkest hour.
Don’t always jump to the worst-case scenario
When we are stressed or faced with a crisis (even a small one) we can often jump right to the worst-case scenario, even if the worst-case scenario is completely off the charts on probability.
When you find yourself doing this, make yourself scale back on the ‘what if’ options.
Think about the options closest and most relevant to the actual problem, not the ones at the far end of the scale.
Related post – How to Stop Obsessing
See people for who they really are
If I had a dollar for every person that went into a relationship thinking they could ‘change’ their partner, I could probably retire tomorrow to a sunny island somewhere.
Yes, people can change but only when they personally want to, not when they are being forced or coerced by someone else.
Don’t kid yourself that your friends, family, work colleagues, or partner are someone they are not.
Though it can be painful, seeing people honestly and deciding to accept them (or not have them in your life) will be better in the long run.
Don’t get involved in other people’s relationships
By this I mean if you meet your dream partner (or so you think) and they happen to have a partner of their own already – run for the hills no matter how tempting or wonderful that person may seem.
Rest assured these situations never end well. They put the ‘c’ in complicated.
Embrace simplicity
There are endless ways to simplify your life.
Whether it’s reducing the number of your possessions, or streamlining your finances, or being more in touch and open in your relationships.
Simplifying your life can help cut out a lot of the drama.
Don’t make your life more complicated than it has to be. Drop the drama and seek out joy, peace, and simplicity.
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Read Next – 10 Behaviors That Stop You Growing as a Person
I can see how we all have to work on these issues to some degree. “See people for who they really are,” is great advice especially if you want a long-term marriage to last.
I recently realized I was subconsciously sabotaging my career as a writer. Every time I even started to think about making a living writing, I came up with excuses or other plans. I am actively not sabotaging my career anymore.
Great post, Thea. I’ve fallen in love with your writing!
Hi Liz
Great to see that you have stopped sabotaging yourself. I think I did the same thing in the past myself.
Thank you so much for the lovely compliment about my writing. I could not stop smiling after I read that. 🙂
Look forward to seeing you here again soon Liz
Cheers
Thea
This seems to give me hope as I feel like my life is spiraling outta control! I’m depressed a lot & obsess over things I cannot change! I will def look for more advice from this site! Thank u for your words of wisdom!
Hi Lorraine
Thank you so much for leaving a comment.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling depressed. I know life can certainly feel out of control at times, particularly when a whole bunch of things all happen around the same time. I think most people have obsessed over things they can’t change at some point, but the key is to break the cycle so that you can feel happier and move forward.
I would try to focus more on today and tomorrow instead of yesterday. Maybe you could benefit from setting yourself a mini goal, something positive that you can work on. Achieving goals is a great place to start feeling good. It can help with self esteem, confidence and help you feel more in control. It doesn’t have to be a major thing, pick something achievable but important to you. As I don’t know your situation, not sure what you need exactly but I hope that helps in some way.
Have a look around the site. I hope you find something that will definitely help.
Hang in there and take care of yourself.
I wish you all the best and I hope to see you here again soon.
Cheers
Thea
Hi Thea,
I was searching for answers to why members of my family were making life so complicated. This fantastic blog was extremely helpful to crystallize what I believe, and occasionally helps me check where I am and the decisions I make, to stay free of complexity where I can. I tried to get family to read and agree this is a healthy way to progress, but since then the family has basically fallen apart through jealousy, hatred appears to have crept in, no one is willing to forgive or forget and love has seemingly no place any more. I’ve watched the health of others physically deteriorate around me, while my own beautiful wife and kids enjoy a life free of any turmoil. It’s hard to turn your back on family, but if they can’t see the forest from the trees, I’m getting to the point where enough is enough. I’d rather have no relationship than an unhealthy one.
Anyway, I really only just wanted to write to say thank you for providing me with a rock to revolve around and something solid to refer back to occasionally, it helps keep me on a good path, and I think helps me be a good person. I just wish I could force people to read it and agree with me, but they probably need to google “do we make life more complicated” themselves rather than be sent a link on it.
You need to be ready to believe, and open to change, and I know we need to seek answers ourselves and we only do that when we are ready to hear the answers. Change can rarely be forced with a successful outcome.
Letting go and forgiving, as you say in your blog, can be wonderful for your health. But so is moving on and taking away the pain points in your life, the challenge is identifying when those pain points become irrevocable enough that you need to draw a line in the sand and cross it.
Thanks Thea 🙂
Quite helpful 🙂