When you don’t trust yourself and your abilities, you can quickly go into a self-doubt spiral. This can happen when things go wrong or don’t go the way you think they should.
I will give you an example from when I first started freelancing.
It seemed like a simple enough application process. A web-based company requested two writing samples, each under 500 words on any topic relevant to the content on their lifestyle website. This afforded me a wide range of subjects to choose from. If the publication was happy with my writing style and ideas, I would become a regular contributor for their online newsletter and website.
Late one evening, satisfied with my submission, I emailed it off. The following morning, the first item to appear in my inbox was the newsletter from the website I had applied for the night before.
At the top of the page, I noticed a headline strikingly similar to mine.
In my sleep-deprived state, I thought they had published my article. A moment later, I realized that was impossible due to the late submission time and the early arrival at my desk the next day.
Someone had submitted an article on the same subject.
While I felt some relief knowing I was at least on the right track with my topic choice, as I continued reading the article, my relief quickly gave way to a slight sense of panic.
Whilst the subject matter was the same, the facts provided in the two articles were vastly different.
My first impulse was that I had made the mistake.
Immediately, I began to run through my sources. Out of frustration and curiosity, I rang the company again to clarify the information in both the published article and my own.
I hadn’t made the mistake. The published information was incorrect.
It was amazing how quickly I assumed that I had made the mistake. It never occurred to me at the time that someone else might have got it wrong.
I automatically doubted myself (without a scrap of evidence to back it up). I let the insecurities I was feeling at the time take over, regardless of the fact that I knew I had put in the work.
It made me realize that I have automatically doubted myself for no valid reason, many times in my life. Unfortunately, doubting myself had turned into my go-to reaction.
That is not a good way to live life. I didn’t trust myself and my abilities.
So how do you trust yourself and your abilities, especially if you are trying something completely new? Let’s dive in.
Work out where your lack of self-trust originally came from
For me personally, I realize now that a lot of my self-doubt came from my relationship with my mum. She likes to criticise. Growing up, nothing I ever did was good enough.
I don’t want to turn this into a blame-your-parents moment, but sometimes it helps to work out the initial trigger for your constant self-doubt.
As an adult, it is your responsibility to work through your self-doubt issues.
Related posts –
Work out your self-doubt trigger words
As I mentioned in an earlier post, we all have our emotional trigger words.
Words that can trigger a bout of self-doubt and insecurity. Words like lazy, selfish, and disappointed can all be triggers (as can many other words).
Learning what your trigger words are and how to deal with them when they arise will go a long way to trusting yourself and your abilities.
Related post – Know Your Trigger Words and How to Deal with Them
Remember your strengths
When you are spiralling with self-doubt, it’s a good time to remind yourself of your strengths.
What are the things you are good at? You will have many things you are good at, but at a time when you are struggling with self-trust, you will probably fail to remember a lot of them.
Writing your strengths down can help. Write down all the things you are good at. Be detailed. Think along the lines of both big ticket items as well as softer skills (like being a good listener, for example).
Many of us can rattle off our weaknesses pretty easily, but we struggle with naming our strengths.
A book that can help with your self-trust is Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success by Dr Shade Zahrai.
Remember your achievements
What have you achieved in the past?
This will be similar to your strengths but more targeted on the successful outcomes of your actions.
Remembering your past achievements and moments when you excelled can help you remember the success you are capable of.
Understand that you will make mistakes
When you start a new job, there is a learning curve. You will most likely make some mistakes.
The same goes for when you change fields completely and try something completely new.
Of course, the hope is that any mistakes you make will be minor mistakes.
What you don’t want to be doing is beating yourself up for every little mistake you make. This will not help build your self-trust.
Be kind to yourself
A big part of self-trust is being kind to yourself. You need to show yourself compassion.
Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with respect.
Deliver on the promises you make to yourself
A part of self-trust is delivering on the promises you make to yourself.
This means getting a series of wins, both big and small, on the promises that you make to yourself. This isn’t always about big grand actions; it can be about relying on yourself and keeping your promises to yourself day in and day out.
A part of learning self-trust is doing what you say you are going to do.
Related post – Do You Deliver on Your Promises?
Do the work
The incident I mentioned at the beginning of this post happened many years ago now.
Over the years, I have done a lot of work on myself to improve my sense of self-trust and self-worth.
For me, working on my self-worth has been a game-changer. Improving my self-worth, improved many other areas of my life.
Related posts –
- 10 Ways High Self-Esteem and Self-Worth Has a Huge Impact on Your Life
- 10 Powerful Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth and Self-Esteem
- 55 Affirmations for Self-Worth – Boosting Self-Worth With Affirmations
Trust yourself and your abilities
You must learn how to trust yourself and your abilities. Each of us has something to contribute to this amazing (sometimes crazy) world we live in.
Trust yourself. Trust what you are capable of. Be confident in your abilities.
Make sure you grab a copy of Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence and Fuel Success.
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Read Next – 12 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough