Sometimes life is truly magical and other times its well……not.
As much as I would love to say my life is in a magical phase unfortunately its the other option.
To be honest it’s been a rough year so far.
I have been job hunting for six frustrating months now. There are jobs around but there are also a LOT of people looking for them. Financially it has been a struggle.
There have also been a few health issues to deal with. I haven’t been talking about it much here on the blog but I’ve been having some tests done in the background.
An ultrasound (checking something completely different) picked up a lesion on my liver in early 2012. It was decided nothing needed to be done but that it should be checked again further down the track.
Fast forward a year, ultrasound, expensive MRI, CT scan and blood test later and I found myself sitting in front of my specialist last Monday. I was expecting to be told everything was fine and that I should come back for another check up in 2 years.
Instead I was told that I should get a second opinion from a surgeon.
After three anxious days waiting for more test results (as per the surgeons request), the good news is I don’t have liver cancer.
I can’t express how happy and grateful I feel about that!
The bad news is I need surgery to remove a benign tumor on my liver. Thankfully its benign at this point but there is no guarantee it will stay that way.
Suddenly I have gone from having what I thought was a harmless lesion to having part of my liver removed.
It wasn’t the outcome I was expecting.
In an unusual turn of events for a worrier like myself, I wasn’t concerned about getting my results. I’d like to think I was being optimistic but if I was truly being honest with myself, it’s probably more a case of I didn’t want to think about dealing with any more stress.
For someone who has never been in hospital (I realize for someone my age that makes me pretty lucky) surgery is a daunting prospect. I have a slight hospital phobia – though in saying that I am yet to meet a person who enjoys going into hospital!
My best friends and family have been wonderfully supportive. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
So what can I do in this situation?
I can PLAN.
I can plan and I can be informed. If you’re into prayer, yes I could do that as well. No doubt there will also be a lot of waiting thrown into the mix (waiting = not my forte).
In situations like this is pays to be as practical as possible. There are a lot of questions I need to ask my surgeon. I have a list typed up and ready to go. I want to be well-informed. I don’t want to stick my head in the sand and hope that everything will sort itself out.
I have an apartment, cat, blog and job search that need to keep going. Regardless of my recovery time, bills still need to be paid.
I live by myself so I will need help after the surgery. Needing that level of assistance will feel a bit strange.
I have watched my Mum have two major surgeries in the last year, so I have some idea what is involved but there is no denying this whole experience feels different when you are the one going into hospital.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.
I feel like my life is currently on hold. My chances of getting a job right now are slim because I have to tell a future employer that I have no idea when I will be available. I can guess a time but that’s about it.
Everything feels like it’s been broken down into two stages – before surgery and after surgery and at this point I don’t even have a surgery date. I will have an operation date and time next Monday so looking forward to that!
I realize this post has been rather self-indulgent and I hope you will forgive me. Sometimes you just need to talk about this stuff!
At the moment, I’d probably have a hard time writing about other things without my emotions spilling onto the page so best to deal with it head on.
I’m sure there are a lot of people out there in the same boat whether there’s a health issue hanging over your head or something that is scaring you senseless and making you feel like your life is on hold.
If so – have a plan. Have a valid plan of attack to beat the sucker and move past your stumbling block.
There will be elements out of your control (and yes they are the really scary ones that will keep you awake at night) but take hold of what you can control and run with it. Make sure you have a plan A, B and C if necessary.
It’s been a tough 2013 but I am sure better, more magical things are on the horizon.
No matter what – we must always believe that!
Please share this post with your friends, hopefully it will give a glimmer of hope and support to someone in a similar situation.
I look forward to your comments in the feedback section below.