Know Your Own Worth

I have not always had the best relationships with men.

Years ago I had an epiphany.  I remember asking myself – why does such and such (best to leave out names) treat me like this?

In that moment, the answer was painfully obvious and hit me like a lightning bolt.

Because I let him.

This realisation was quite a bitter pill to swallow at first.  I realised I had accepted sub-standard behaviour in my earlier relationships because I did not know my own worth.

Now I am aware of my earlier actions, I see similar behaviour all the time in other people.  Particularly in women.  People who go back to or stay in bad relationships, instead of walking away.

If you do not know your own worth, you let people treat you badly.  You allow them to take advantage of you.

This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships; it can also apply to parents, families, friends and work.  If you let people constantly walk all over you or treat you with less respect than you deserve, that is exactly what some of them will continue to do.  Simply because they can.

How can you get a better appreciation of your own worth?  Here is a start.

Recognise that you need help

The first thing to realise is that you need help with your self-esteem.

This stage is important, as so many people don’t examine their own behaviour.  They are completely oblivious to it.  Instead they are fixated on the actions of other people.  Because of this, they often go from one disaster or crisis to another.  It’s like watching a train wreck.  Unfortunately the train wreck happens to be someone’s LIFE.  Remember we only get one.

You can not work on improving your self-worth if you do not recognise that there is a need for growth and change in the first place.

Work on your self-esteem

There are many different ways you can work on your self-esteem.  There are volumes of books and blog posts written on the subject.

Here are two blogs posts that can help.

Abundance blog – 5 Ways to Boost Your Self Esteem

Live Bold and Bloom – 4 Essential Ways to Build Self Esteem

Self-esteem is the cornerstone of being treated with respect.

Work on what you see in the mirror

I am not talking about your external looks.  You can be a beautiful person on the outside, yet feel ugly and worthless on the inside.

I am talking about what you see when you look at yourself.  Do you see someone with integrity, someone who values themselves, someone who deserves love, someone who deserves to be treated with respect?  If the answer is no, than you need to work on improving your self-esteem.

A major part of this is your self-talk.  It is important to watch and monitor the way you talk to yourself.  By talking, I mean that internal voice in your head.  The one that is often negative and sometimes downright abusive.

Strive towards that voice being a positive influence in your life.  Be aware of negative self-talk and replace it with positive insights.

Realise how strong you are

A lot of people do not know their own strength.  Are you even aware of the strength you possess?  Make up a detailed list of your strengths.  For now, do not concentrate on your weaknesses.

List all of the times you have overcome adversity, learned from the experience and come out a better, wiser person.

Set boundaries

Some people may not be treating you badly, they simply have undefined boundaries.  Setting boundaries can be off-putting for some people, as they see it as having a set of rules.  They see these rules as limiting.  Yet setting boundaries can have the opposite effect – they can set you free.

Be clear communicating with people what you will and will not tolerate.  Reinforcement of a boundary is also important.  If you are inconsistent with your message, the other person may be confused about your expectations.

Give yourself the love you need

We always seem to be seeking outside validation when it comes to love.  How about doing some work on the greatest love you will ever have in your life?  YOU.

Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

What defines self-love?  I am not talking about the ego driven way we sometimes brag about ourselves or how we falsely talk ourselves up to other people when we are nervous or lacking in confidence.

I mean the real love we have for ourselves.  The core of ourselves that knows we deserve love and respect from the people in our lives; the part of us that loves and respects people in return.

Since I have become more comfortable in my own skin, I have become more of an introvert.  I enjoy my own company.  While I love spending time with family and friends, I don’t need outside validation for my sense of self-worth.

I am sure we have all met people who cannot stand to be alone.  Just to be clear, being a social person and enjoying the company of others is different to not being able to be alone.

In my opinion, people who cannot be alone for even short periods of time, do not like themselves very much.  They cannot stand their own company.  The negative voices in their head drive them to seek out company for external validation.

You can not run away from yourself.  You are after all, all you’ve got.

Become friends with yourself.  Give yourself the love you need and watch the quality of your life improve.

This post was written by...

Thea – who has written 265 posts on Write Change Grow.

Hi! Welcome to my blog.  I'm a freelance writer and blogger. For more Write Change Grow goodness, sign up for my free newsletter.  You can connect with me on Facebook and Twitter.

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