iStock_How to Deal with the End of a Relationship
I had my heart broken recently.

I received an email from my best friend telling me that after more than ten years of friendship they never wanted to see me again.

They weren’t nice about it either. It was a nasty email full of blame and name calling. To add insult to injury it was sent to my work email, knowing full well that it would shatter my concentration at work (on one of the most stressful weeks of the year).

I was gutted.

Regardless of whether you are friends or lovers the end of a relationship is hard. Being dumped sucks and it hurts like hell.

So how do we deal with such a painful upheaval? How do we deal with the end of a friendship?

Here are my thoughts and feelings (and I apologize in advance that they still are a little raw). [click to continue…]

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How to Have a Two Way Conversation

We all know how to have a conversation.

But what about those conversations where the other person seems to be doing all the talking, most of the time?  What do you do when you can’t seem to get a word in?

Sometimes conversations with family and friends can be one-sided. Sometimes two-way conversation needs a little finessing.

Here are my equal opportunity talking tips.

Step up

If someone is talking about their life all of the time sometimes you just need to jump in and talk about yours.

You need to step up. Don’t sit back and think the conversation will naturally turn to you. It might not. You have to take the initiative and speak up.

I’m not suggesting interrupting someone mid sentence – though I confess I have done this in the past out of pure desperation to get a word in.

Don’t interrupt, instead let them finish what they are saying and then jump right in. [click to continue…]

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Are you taking on other people's problems
Back when I was working in Sydney, I had a work colleague point out something interesting to me.

At the time my best friend worked in the same company. My co-worker commented that when my best friend walked in the front door she always knew how I would feel when she walked out.

If my girlfriend walked in happy, I would be happy. If she walked in miserable, I would be miserable as well, despite how happy I may have been with my own life only minutes before.

Without realizing I was taking on my best friends moods and emotions. [click to continue…]

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Stop Using Guilt to Get What You Want

Guilt is one nasty son of a bitch.

After that scathing appraisal, here’s a question to ask yourself.

Do you use guilt as a weapon?

Do you use guilt to get what you want?

Just to clarify – the  sort of guilt I’m referring to in this post is the ‘guilt trip’ variety. If you stole from someone or cheated on your spouse you should feel guilty but that’s not what I’m  touching on here.

The tricky part about using guilt as a weapon is that is often works. We may find it reasonably easy to guilt trip people into doing what we want.

Great you might be thinking, if it works, surely it can’t be that bad?

That’s where you would be wrong. The problem is it comes at a huge price. [click to continue…]

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No regrets

No Regrets

You see it written everyone. Personal development blogs and motivational quotes often push the live life with no regrets mantra.

Here’s my take on it. It’s bull. Rubbish. Crapola.

I haven’t met a person who doesn’t have a regret (or two). At 18 perhaps you may not have regrets (though I doubt it) but at 48 (yes that’s my current age) I think it’s downright impossible.

Trying to implement a life with “no regrets” could be seen just as harmful as trying to have a “perfect life” since neither of them exists. [click to continue…]

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iStock_Do You Need to Reconnect with Old Friends I had breakfast with a friend recently that I hadn’t seen in ages. I didn’t realize time had gotten away from me and I hadn’t seen her in a year. I was shocked when I realized how long it had been.

We had a wonderful time. It was lovely catching up with her and hearing all about how her life was going. It was a big wake up call for me. As regular readers will know last year wasn’t the best year for me. For various reasons I spent a lot of time alone and didn’t see some of my friends as often. I lost touch with a lot of people. Consequently, I’m on a mission to reconnect with some of my wonderful friends. Here are my tips on how you can do the same.

Make the effort

I wasn’t making the effort last year. I definitely had my reasons but now those reasons have resolved themselves. It’s time to cast off those unpleasant memories and move forward. Making the effort could mean contacting friends more than once.

Don’t just ring a friend, leave a message and then dismiss them if they don’t ring back straight away or at all for that matter.  We are all busy, we miss messages or we hear a message and think I must call them back, then get busy and forget.  Reaching out to people means taking that into consideration. You might have to make a concentrated effort to get in touch with them. [click to continue…]

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Are Your Goals on Track for the Year?

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s March already. Two months down for 2014.

Two months in and I have an important question to ask you - How are your goals going for the year so far?

Are you on track with your monthly goals or have your swerved off track?

Here are some things to consider.

Monthly goals

If your first thought was – what monthly goals? – well there’s your problem right there.

Hopefully you set yourself goals for the year. I am also hoping you wrote them down.

But did you take the next step?  Did you break your big kick-ass goals down into monthly tasks? Did you know exactly what you had to get done in January and February to reach your yearly goal? If you didn’t, now is the time to do the work, put on your thinking cap and get those goals sorted.

Stop reading this right now (make sure you come back though!) and write down your monthly goals.

[click to continue…]

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Stop Picking People to Pieces 2

I was out with some friends recently when I noticed the conversation take an unpleasant turn.

Every time someone walked in the door the people I was with would critique them, picking them to pieces if they didn’t like their clothes, hair or shoes etc.

It was a tad unsettling.

I love people watching. I love seeing all sorts of different people. I find it fascinating. Of course I have had negative thoughts about how certain people look but I tend to keep those to myself.

Criticizing others seems far too common and in some cases a bit of a team sport.

Here are my tips on how to be less critical of the people around you. [click to continue…]

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The But Challenge that has Nothing to do with Diet and Exercise

Years ago I worked with a woman whose husband would regularly win trips through his work to 5 star resorts.  This couple went to some amazing places, yet when I asked the woman about her trip the answer was always the same.

His response was ‘it was a great – but’.  She was a lovely woman but the more time I spent with her I came to realize something. There was always a but, always some flaw in whatever she had experienced no matter how incredible it was.

How many times have you heard someone say something like – it was wonderful but?

How many times have you said something like this yourself? [click to continue…]

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Do You Believe in Magic?

Originally I planned to write a post about how we can bring more magic into our lives.

Then a question dawned on me – do we belief in magic?

I’m not talking about the magician rabbit out of a hat variety or even the supernatural spell kind.

I’m talking about magic in our everyday lives. [click to continue…]

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