What Love Do You Deserve?

I’m a huge fan of the Gala Darling July Instagram series. Come to think of it, I am a massive fan of Gala Darling in general but more on that in another post.

While I was browsing through the feed the other day, one quote stood out for me.

More to the point, I felt the words jump off the page and slap me across the face.

Take a deep breath, here we go.

 We accept the love we think we deserve

 

I wish I had known this truth years ago. Instead I learnt my lessons on love the hard way.

In the past I accepted a lot less love than I deserved. Low self-esteem resulted in relationships with inappropriate men and accepting their crappy behavior. On top of that, even after I experienced their bad behavior I stayed with them.

Why did I put up with unacceptable behavior?

Because I didn’t love or value myself enough, I accepted what I felt I deserved.

By feeling unlovable I thought that if I could get some bad boy (and yes I picked a few of those along the way) to adore me than surely that was proof that I was lovable.

Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places! I was constantly seeking love and approval from someone outside of myself.

It’s not like you think to yourself – I’m worthless, I’ll find a man who will cheat on me. It is so much more subtle than that.

I didn’t know myself and I certainly didn’t love or respect myself.

Often the problem was I made it all about ‘them’ and not about ‘me’. It’s a bit like when you go for a job interview and all you can think about is will they hire me? Will they think I’m good enough? Will they like me?

Just like job interviews, relationships are a two-way street. It’s not all about what they want.

Now I know the truth.

Now I truly understand I deserve to be loved.

I might not have a man in my life at the moment but that doesn’t change what I know.  I don’t need a partner for validation.

Look inside yourself for validation, love and acceptance.

I deserve to be loved and respected and so do you.

Believe in yourself, cherish yourself and accept the precious, beautiful love you know you deserve.

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You Have Choices

Ahhhh choices we make so many of them every day.

Some are easy, some hard, some we barely even think about they are so habitual.

Choices can be heartbreaking, exciting, challenging and life-changing.

Sometimes those big life-changing choices mean we have to cope with some short-term pain before we get to the good stuff.

The thing to remember (especially when life gets tough) is that we ALWAYS have choices. No matter how trapped or scared we feel there are options.

We choice who we spend our time with, where and who we live with, our careers, our partners, our adventures, our joys and passions.

Are our choices always easy? Hell NO!

Do we over-complicate some of our choices and make them harder than they really need to be. Hell YES!

On the surface the message of this post might seem a no-brainer but sometimes it’s important to remind ourselves we have choices.

We can pick another path. We can do something different. We can change direction or try again.

Make sure your choices are your own and not someone else’s.

Never forget you have choices.  You just have to be courageous enough to make them.

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iStock_How to Deal with the End of a Relationship
I had my heart broken recently.

I received an email from my best friend telling me that after more than ten years of friendship they never wanted to see me again.

They weren’t nice about it either. It was a nasty email full of blame and name calling. To add insult to injury it was sent to my work email, knowing full well that it would shatter my concentration at work (on one of the most stressful weeks of the year).

I was gutted.

Regardless of whether you are friends or lovers the end of a relationship is hard. Being dumped sucks and it hurts like hell.

So how do we deal with such a painful upheaval? How do we deal with the end of a friendship?

Here are my thoughts and feelings (and I apologize in advance that they still are a little raw). [click to continue…]

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How to Have a Two Way Conversation

We all know how to have a conversation.

But what about those conversations where the other person seems to be doing all the talking, most of the time?  What do you do when you can’t seem to get a word in?

Sometimes conversations with family and friends can be one-sided. Sometimes two-way conversation needs a little finessing.

Here are my equal opportunity talking tips.

Step up

If someone is talking about their life all of the time sometimes you just need to jump in and talk about yours.

You need to step up. Don’t sit back and think the conversation will naturally turn to you. It might not. You have to take the initiative and speak up.

I’m not suggesting interrupting someone mid sentence – though I confess I have done this in the past out of pure desperation to get a word in.

Don’t interrupt, instead let them finish what they are saying and then jump right in. [click to continue…]

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Are you taking on other people's problems
Back when I was working in Sydney, I had a work colleague point out something interesting to me.

At the time my best friend worked in the same company. My co-worker commented that when my best friend walked in the front door she always knew how I would feel when she walked out.

If my girlfriend walked in happy, I would be happy. If she walked in miserable, I would be miserable as well, despite how happy I may have been with my own life only minutes before.

Without realizing I was taking on my best friends moods and emotions. [click to continue…]

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Stop Using Guilt to Get What You Want

Guilt is one nasty son of a bitch.

After that scathing appraisal, here’s a question to ask yourself.

Do you use guilt as a weapon?

Do you use guilt to get what you want?

Just to clarify – the  sort of guilt I’m referring to in this post is the ‘guilt trip’ variety. If you stole from someone or cheated on your spouse you should feel guilty but that’s not what I’m  touching on here.

The tricky part about using guilt as a weapon is that is often works. We may find it reasonably easy to guilt trip people into doing what we want.

Great you might be thinking, if it works, surely it can’t be that bad?

That’s where you would be wrong. The problem is it comes at a huge price. [click to continue…]

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No regrets

No Regrets

You see it written everyone. Personal development blogs and motivational quotes often push the live life with no regrets mantra.

Here’s my take on it. It’s bull. Rubbish. Crapola.

I haven’t met a person who doesn’t have a regret (or two). At 18 perhaps you may not have regrets (though I doubt it) but at 48 (yes that’s my current age) I think it’s downright impossible.

Trying to implement a life with “no regrets” could be seen just as harmful as trying to have a “perfect life” since neither of them exists. [click to continue…]

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iStock_Do You Need to Reconnect with Old Friends I had breakfast with a friend recently that I hadn’t seen in ages. I didn’t realize time had gotten away from me and I hadn’t seen her in a year. I was shocked when I realized how long it had been.

We had a wonderful time. It was lovely catching up with her and hearing all about how her life was going. It was a big wake up call for me. As regular readers will know last year wasn’t the best year for me. For various reasons I spent a lot of time alone and didn’t see some of my friends as often. I lost touch with a lot of people. Consequently, I’m on a mission to reconnect with some of my wonderful friends. Here are my tips on how you can do the same.

Make the effort

I wasn’t making the effort last year. I definitely had my reasons but now those reasons have resolved themselves. It’s time to cast off those unpleasant memories and move forward. Making the effort could mean contacting friends more than once.

Don’t just ring a friend, leave a message and then dismiss them if they don’t ring back straight away or at all for that matter.  We are all busy, we miss messages or we hear a message and think I must call them back, then get busy and forget.  Reaching out to people means taking that into consideration. You might have to make a concentrated effort to get in touch with them. [click to continue…]

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Are Your Goals on Track for the Year?

In case you haven’t noticed, it’s March already. Two months down for 2014.

Two months in and I have an important question to ask you - How are your goals going for the year so far?

Are you on track with your monthly goals or have your swerved off track?

Here are some things to consider.

Monthly goals

If your first thought was – what monthly goals? – well there’s your problem right there.

Hopefully you set yourself goals for the year. I am also hoping you wrote them down.

But did you take the next step?  Did you break your big kick-ass goals down into monthly tasks? Did you know exactly what you had to get done in January and February to reach your yearly goal? If you didn’t, now is the time to do the work, put on your thinking cap and get those goals sorted.

Stop reading this right now (make sure you come back though!) and write down your monthly goals.

[click to continue…]

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Stop Picking People to Pieces 2

I was out with some friends recently when I noticed the conversation take an unpleasant turn.

Every time someone walked in the door the people I was with would critique them, picking them to pieces if they didn’t like their clothes, hair or shoes etc.

It was a tad unsettling.

I love people watching. I love seeing all sorts of different people. I find it fascinating. Of course I have had negative thoughts about how certain people look but I tend to keep those to myself.

Criticizing others seems far too common and in some cases a bit of a team sport.

Here are my tips on how to be less critical of the people around you. [click to continue…]

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